#and my exams start next week so that's gonna be a fun time too

[lovebugism]

Virgin!Eddie thoughts?

THE CUSTOMER'S ALWAYS RIGHT | quid pro quo

summary: eddie muson is a virgin and doesn't want anyone to know (because being an adult who's never fucked anyone is a total reputation ruiner). but you, his favorite customer, are more than willing to change that. pairing: eddie munson / f!reader word count: 6.5k (holy shit this was supposed to be a blurb) warnings: talks of virginity and masturbation, the word "tit" too many times, a handjob (sorta?) 18+ mdni a/n: you asked for thoughts but i had way too many of them for a single post so i might turn this into a whole virgin!eddie series that will only see the light of day if you guys are into this so... no pressure <3

( MASTERLIST ) | ( NEXT )

You were Eddie’s favorite customer, though that went without saying. It was something both of you were more than aware of. Albeit it, it was a little strange, since he — the supplier of your weed — was essentially paying for your high. He doesn’t mind it, though. He never did. You made it up for him in other ways; and, no, it’s not as perverted as it sounds.

It’s actually much, much weirder.

It was your fourth time meeting with him but your first time without any money to give him in exchange. You’re all pink and fidgeting and feeling like a total loser as you shift on the hard wooden bench across from him.

Your gaze is tilted away from his and down at your hands where you twist the rings on your fingers — “I was supposed to get paid last Friday, but my boss is paying me weekly now instead of every two weeks, so he completely changed my payday on me, and he swears he told me about it, but he totally didn’t— anyway, that’s beside the point. I don’t have any money to give you, or like, at all. Genuinely. I’m gonna be lucky if I get to eat anything other than top ramen for the next few days.”

“Damn,” he laughs, not in amusement at your situation but rather pitying you for it. “That sucks—”

“That sounds like I’m guilt-tripping you, doesn’t it?” you keep rambling. “I’m really not. I’m just trying to be honest. I’m not, like, trying to do you over or anything. I swear. You probably don’t even care. You’re my drug dealer, not my friend, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't— I’m making a total fool out of myself, aren’t I?”

“No, not at all,” Eddie assures sincerely, the hint of a smile curling at the corner of his lips. That’s all he can muster. He feels like the fool right about now because your words sting a little harder than intended. 

He always considered you a friend. Or, at least, a whole lot more than just a client. You’re the only customer he has fun with, who he can laugh with, who doesn’t just hang around long enough for him to hand you your drugs like everyone else does, who actually cares enough to make conversation with him.  

Maybe that’s why he chose to give it to you for free that day. 

Because he’s started to grow fond of you (and because he genuinely believes that you’re in a bad way and that money’s a little too tight for you right now. He knows all too well what that’s like.) 

But he asks you for a favor in return when you take the plastic baggie from him. It has him blushing with embarrassment like you’d been just minutes before. He can’t meet your gaze as he says the words, but he can feel the incredulous beam of it piercing holes into him.

“You, Eddie Munson, are willing to give me weed, for free, as long as I… help you pass your next English exam?”

You weren’t repeating it to mock him or to make him feel bad for being a third-year senior. You’re just actually shocked because you know a thing or two about the Munson’s. You know that his Uncle is working two jobs, and his nephew has resorted to drug dealing to compensate for their being strapped for cash. You also know that suppliers giving out anything for free is bad for business, so it’s essentially unheard of. 

And aside from all that, Eddie wanting to study — to want to try to be good at something rather than just winging it and hoping for the best — was almost as surprising as him wanting you to be the one to help him. You literally have Gareth, his best friend, in your English class, and he’s way better at it than you are.

You try to find what makes you somehow special but come up short.

“Is that, like, really weird?” he wonders meekly, scrunching his nose and peering at you through his lashes. His eyes are the color of chocolate syrup, you notice then. Like, exactly. And they have a sort of sheen to them beneath the sun, like he's trapped a star inside of them.

“Yes,” you answer with a laugh that's as light as air. “Considering you could’ve offered literally anything else. Like, I don’t know— groping my tits or something.”

It’s what you were half-expecting. Not because you thought Eddie was that kind of guy, but because that’s how it often went down, at least in porn. A busty (broke) blonde orders a pizza, a man with an enormous dick delivers it… It’s a tale as old as time, really.

Your words make him tense for the second time in five minutes. 

He almost wants to be offended that you’d think of him that way, but his yearning far overpowers his wounded ego.

He’s got a soft heart. That offer never would’ve crossed his mind, and even if it did, he’d never be stupid enough to say it out loud. But he didn’t realize how much he liked you until right then. It wasn’t just a friend caring for another friend, but a boy with a crush on a girl eons out of his league (with boobs he would happily touch if she’d let him).

He clears his throat and irrationally prays that you aren’t a mind reader.

“I’m down if you are,” he answers with a playful lilt to his voice that makes you giggle again. He’s happy to hear it. Your laugh is like being basked in sunshine. He wants to keep it in his pocket when he gets lost in the shade. 

That’s the moment that started it all — the strange friendship that formed out of practically nothing. Who knew what being poor, free weed, an historically low GPA, and a missed opportunity for tit-groping could do to two people?

From then on, all your weed was free. As long as you broke down all the themes in Of Mice and Men for him, of course. And then, when he ultimately aced that paper, he wanted to run his D&D campaign by you — “So, you know, it isn’t totally lame when I show it to the rest of Hellfire.”

“Of course, it’s gonna be lame,” you deadpan from across the rotting bench. “It’s Dungeons and Dragons.”

He goes red at that, a flash of pink blotched around his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He glows cherry with embarrassment and smiles faintly as he looks down at his hand, fidgeting with his silver skull ring. It’s cute. Too cute. The kind of cute that makes you grin to yourself without even thinking about it.

“I’m kidding, Eds—”

Eds. That was new, the boy remarks to himself. Not the nickname itself, perhaps, but the fact that you were the one calling him by it. You’re getting more comfortable with him. He likes that. It gives him a false hope; that one day he’ll be a friend to you and not just your dealer.

“—It sounds really fun actually,” you assure him with nod and a twinkling gaze that proves you sincere. “As long as you’ll smoke with me during.”

“I don’t really like to use my own product…” That was a lie. Mostly. He didn’t like to smoke his own stuff because that burned a hole into his profits. But that didn’t mean he didn’t do it. It was far too tempting to have a tin full of so much weed never more than just a few inches away.

Now he’s got a pretty girl in front of him, wanting to smoke with him, wanting to spend time with him. Hell’s freezing over as they speak and that certainly calls for a celebratory smoke session.

A smirk pulls at his pink lips and he tilts his head, bringing his ear to his shoulder, as he looks at you with a glimmering umber gaze.

“But I’m willing to make an exception. Just for you.”

Eddie swears you blush at that, but he catches only the shortest glimpse of your crimson cheeks before you duck your gaze to the table. The beam on your face is only half-washed away, however, when you turn up to look at him again. You look shy, almost, as you peer at him through your lashes.

“You’ll basically have to start from scratch too, you know that, right? I don’t know anything about that shit.”

“Well, I’m glad I can be your first,” he quips.

You laugh again. It’s like the pinky-orange of a sunset. He could paint it if he had the right supplies. And a set of hands that were good for things other than rolling die and playing guitar.

It was his first time, really. In every aspect of the phrase.

It was the first time a girl’s ever offered to hang out with him and not the other way around. The first time a customer’s ever offered to share their weed with him. The first time someone’s ever wanted him to explain his favorite hobby and not care that he’s been rambling for the better part of an hour. 

He doesn’t even notice that he hasn’t shut up since he started talking, mostly because you aren’t giving him that look of annoyance people usually have when he hasn’t gotten the hint. Most couldn’t care less about goblins and villains and battles and knights and princesses — princess knights.

It’s more interesting than you ever hoped a board game could be, but less so as enchanting as the glow Eddie’s got about him as he rambles on and on about something that makes him so happy.

He’s beaming and he doesn’t even realize it. He has no idea he could light up an entire solar system with the smile on his face. You’d tell him if it didn’t feel totally inappropriate.

It takes two weeks to perfect the campaign, which isn’t at all long if you compare it to the year it took him to build it from scratch. When the Cult of Vecna (you pat yourself on the back for coming up with the name) is polished and Hellfire worthy, Eddie starts giving you weed... just because.

There’s nothing left for him to offer in exchange. And he isn’t going to turn his favorite customer down for anything.

“What? No tutoring? No D&D campaign?” you wonder with furrowed brows and a face contorted in confusion.

Eddie shrugs and swings the baggie full of greenery back and forth with the tip of his pointed finger. “Nope. I’m passing English and the campaign’s all finished — the guys love it, by the way. Thanks to you. You’ve helped me out with enough shit, so… just take it.”

“Well, now I just feel bad,” you reject with a scrunched nose, displeased at the idea of taking something and not doing anything for it in return. He can hardly afford it to begin with, much less without anything in exchange. “You're basically paying for my weed already. I can’t just take it.”

“You could,” the boy lilts with a sardonic nod. “My hand's getting a little tired here, sweetheart.”

You huff and reach across the bench for the plastic baggie. Your face is still twisted with an absentminded annoyance and your gaze still uncertain. “You sure it’s okay?”

“Yeah. Cross my heart.”

“Fine.”

“Unless groping your tits is still on the table, of course,” he squints playfully over at you and then smiles softly at the recollection of the conversation from many moons ago.

It was supposed to be a joke. But you’re not laughing.

And when you nod at him, he isn’t either.

It’s got him nearly choking on air and sputtering for a response. “No, I was— I was just— It was a joke. I was just kidding.”

“I know. But, I don’t know, I’m down if you are,” you shrug. “That’s what you said before, right?”

And Eddie has no idea what to say to that. Of course, he wants to. There are a billion things he wants to do. He wants to graduate, he wants to play a show at the Madison Square Garden with Corroded Coffin, he wants to bend you over this table and fuck you silly.

He could do all those things if he were a different person, but he wasn’t. He’s just some guy who can’t pass an English class he's already taken three times, with a mediocre band that plays in front of about five drunks (if they’re lucky), who has a crush on a girl who’s offering to let him feel her up for a short-lived high. 

He repeats that last part to himself in his head a couple times. It sounds like a dream he had once. He pinches the skin of his wrist, just to make sure, and winces when it starts to hurt.

It’s real, you’re real, and that’s the scariest part. 

Because he’s never actually seen boobs that weren’t projected from a television screen through the grainy film of a VHS tape, or pictured in a crinkled magazine he stole from a gas station — let alone touched one. And the second he puts his hands on you, and you feel him shaking like a leaf and totally unsure of what to do, you’ll know that. 

That is, if he doesn’t come in his pants first.

He’s terrified that when you do realize that he’s a complete and utter, absolute and proper virgin, you’ll think he’s significantly less cool. And he can’t have that.

It’s bad for clientele. They’ll stop seeing him as the mysterious metalhead from the wrong side of the tracks but rather as some teddy bear who’s never actually been inside a woman.

He could probably handle the potential drop in income and the talks around school. Hell, he could even handle all the shit Jason Carver would spew at him if he knew. But the idea that you’ll stop wanting to hang out with him — he isn’t sure if he could take that.

He doesn’t notice that he hasn’t said a word until you’re speaking again. And even then, it’s all muffled like he’s underwater. 

“I can come over tonight, if you want.”

No, he thinks to himself. That’s far too early. I have to lose my virginity and learn everything there is to possibly know about sex first.

“I... I can’t. Hellfire,” he answers, almost slurring, still caught in a stupor.

“Tomorrow, then,” you challenge at his rejection. You cross your arms and lean over the table as you squint at him. The wind rustling through the trees carries the warmth of your floral-vanilla scent over to him, like a lullaby, or a magic spell.

As though he needed something else to make him all stupid.

Suddenly you're ten feet tall. Eddie feels like an ant. You could crush him if you wanted. You have all the power and the look you give him tells him that you know that. He fidgets on the hard wooden seat but can’t seem to break your stare. His voice is tight and a few octaves higher as he answers — “Yeah. Tomorrow sounds good. Great, even.”

“Cool,” you’re suddenly beaming. You stand from the bench and saunter off, tossing a look and a wave over your shoulder as you shout, “See you tomorrow, Eds!”

He has to jerk off after that one. He counts himself lucky that he made it to his van before he exploded completely.

Eddie has to become a sex god in twenty-four hours and he doesn’t know where to start. 

So, like any master procrastinator, he doesn’t. He just worries about it all night and the following day. He turns himself into a big ball of anxiety (if you touched him, he'd probably shock you) and it’s left him in the sort of worry that doesn’t let him sit still for too long.

Wayne’s sitting in his recliner, trying to eat his late lunch before he heads off to work the graveyard shift. It’s hard to enjoy his sandwich or the latest episode of Miami Vice playing on the television ahead of him when his nephew keeps bouncing in and out of the room. Making brief conversation, rearranging the knickknacks on the coffee table, coming in just to stand in place for a few minutes before leaving again to rustle in other parts of the small trailer. 

At one point, he comes in with the fucking vacuum and nudges at the man’s work boots until he kicks his feet up. Wayne’s never seen him do a chore in his life.

“What the hell has gotten into you today, boy?” the man complains through turkey, cheese, and bread.

“Nothing. What are you talking about? I’m perfectly normal.”

He’s never been normal a day in his life either.

Eddie disappears out of the room a second later with the whirring of the vacuum in tow. Wayne shakes his head to himself. “Boy’s gonna be the death of me,” he mumbles and takes another too large bite.

It’s unlike Eddie not to tell his uncle things, especially things weighing so heavy on his chest that they're starting to feel like pure steel. But his uncle doesn’t ask any questions, and Eddie’s grateful.

How the hell is he supposed to tell Wayne that a cute girl is coming over and that he’s jacked off three times at the thought of her?

Once in his bed, the first thing he did that day when he woke up from a dream about you that felt a little too real; the second in the shower when the cold water wouldn’t kill the boner he’d gotten; and the third in his bedroom, in the shirt he’d peeled off hardly ten minutes beforehand when he got into a bath. It made him feel dirty again though his skin was perfectly clean.

Wayne would think he was joking. At least with the “cute girl” part. He’d probably pat him on the back for the second one — “oh, to be young again,” he'd mumble to himself while simultaneously deciding to leave well enough alone.

Eddie’s so nervous he doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

You’ve got him practicing what to do in the mirror, trying to plan the conversation, ironing out the wrinkles of what might happen. “Hi—” he starts but then shakes his head and clears his throat. His voice is deeper as he continues, “Hey, how are you doing? Oh, that’s cool, I’m good too— shit, this is so fucking lame.”

He wonders how you’ll go about it. If you’ll offer first, or if he needs to ask. If you’ll make small talk or if you’ll just straight up take off your shirt. He’d take either, honestly.

He jerks off one more time, just for good measure, after Wayne’s left for work. He’s already tired and his dick is practically raw with how much it’s been tugged at, but he hopes it’ll stop him from getting hard the second you walk through the door. And he figures with the amount he’s come that day, he’s a whole less likely to do it in his pants when he touches you.

You knock on the door at 7 o’clock sharp, like you planned it down to the minute.

He straightens out his leather jacket when he stands abruptly from the couch. He rushes to the door and then hesitates with his hand on the rusted brass handle — because he doesn’t want to seem too eager, right? 

He leans to the side to look in the dirty glass mirror hanging by the coat rack, brushing through his curly locks in attempts to tame them. Then he shakes his head so they’re wild again.

He finds you standing on his porch in a tight-black sweater that dips down at your chest; the pendant of your necklace sparkles under the yellow nightlight perched on the outside wall. It’s paired with a white nylon skirt that stops at your thigh.

He’s only seen girls on TV in the suede boots you’re wearing — the kind that’s tight up to your ankle with a short and chunky heel. They match the color of your skirt. He wonders if they were expensive and how much you’ve worn them; they look brand new, like you’ve brought them down from the top of your closet just for him.

You’ve got a stack of thick tapes in one hand and a brown paper bag of snacks in the other.

“What… What’s all this?” he wonders, not displeased at your effort but shocked by it nonetheless.

“Thought we could have a movie night,” you shrug then slide by him and into the trailer. He shuts the door behind you and watches from afar as you set the sack down. It’s not quite flat on the bottom so it topples over and spills some of its content onto the coffee table — red hot chips and sour gummy worms.

“You mentioned that you’d never seen Fast Times a couple weeks ago, so I decided to go rent a copy at Family Video, right? And then I started talking to Robin and she started showing me all the new movies that just came in, so I got a little carried away—”

You're rambling, he notices, almost like you’re nervous.

It makes him feel slightly better, knowing this obviously wasn’t your first time hanging out with a guy (or being touched by one, if he ever got to that part), but that you were nervous nonetheless. Like you wanted this — whatever this was — to go well just as much as he did.

Eddie puts the tape into the VHS player when you’re headed back from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn in hand. You sit it on the table before plopping yourself in the middle of the couch — the boy across the living room has no idea you spent the two-and-a-half minutes it took to cook the snack debating on where to sit.

You feared sitting too far on one side might spook him from sitting next to you, that he’d think you didn’t want to sit next to him. So you place yourself snuggly in the middle of the decade-old sofa and hope you don’t seem too eager.

Your heart sinks to your ass when Eddie sits so far on the edge he’s practically sitting on the arm of it.

You muster a smile and try to make a joke of it. “I don’t have cooties or anything, Eds.”

“Promise?” he lilts. The way his voice shakes is purely for comedic effect. Obviously.

“Cross my heart.”

He hopes that by playing it off, you won’t notice how anxious he is about sitting next to you. But when he plants himself beside you, just close enough so that the rough fabric of his jeans scratches your knee every time he fidgets, it’s a little like sitting next to a rock. You spend the first half of the movie wondering if he’s nervous too or if he really just didn’t want to sit this close to you.

The film keeps playing and he keeps snacking — eating chips and Oreos and popcorn in a rotation before combining all three and marveling at the taste; “You’ve got to try this!” he exclaims to you with raised brows and wide eyes. He eventually forgets to be nervous.

That is, until Fast Times hits 53 minutes and 5 seconds.

The smooth bass of Moving in Stereo plays lowly in the background as Phoebe Cates rises from the pool water, clad in a small red bikini. The chlorine-laced drops of water glisten off of her tanned skin. “Hi, Brad. You know how cute I always thought you were,” you quote quietly along with her.

Your eyes are as glued to the television as Eddie’s when she starts to unlatch her top, like it’s the first time you’re seeing it too. You joked to Robin once that you couldn't wait until they made this movie in 3D.

Eddie gets hard as a rock, then. In every sense of the phrase.

“She’s hot, right?” you ask him.

“Yeah,” he answers. He clears his throat when the word comes out too tight. “Totally.”

“That’s how I knew Robin was gay, you know? We watched this when I slept over at her house one time and I woke up in the middle of the night and found her playing this scene over and over again,” you confess with a laugh and hope your best friend won’t be too angry you told him this. “She was sitting, like, two inches away from the screen.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. And when we made out afterward, that really sealed the deal—”

“Holy shit—” he sputters before he can stop it. “—Are you joking?”

Please, say yes before I come in my jeans, he thinks to himself.

“Why?” you challenge, shooting him an arched brow over your shoulder. “Does that change anything?”

“What? No! Of— Of course not!” It just makes you, like, ten times fucking hotter, that’s all.

“Good,” you nod and then turn back to the television. You move on quickly, and Eddie’s grateful. You keep telling the story like it’s one you tell all your friends.

“I asked her why she was watching it without me, and she said she got bored, but I already knew why she was watching it, you know? I guess I just wanted to hear her say it. So I just came out with it — ‘If you want to look at a pair of tits, I’m literally right here.’”

Eddie’s so entranced by your words it’s like you're telling him a bedtime story. He’s looking at you so intently, his gaze locked to your profile like he’s trying to commit it to memory. And when you finally turn to look at him again, he can’t seem to turn away, to even pretend like he wasn’t just hopelessly staring at you.

“So, then it became this whole thing, right? Like, I’ll show mine if you show yours. And then she got all awkward and nervous and lost in her head, kinda like you right now, and then I leaned in…” you trail off quietly, doing it in time as the words leave your mouth. So teasingly and breathtakingly slow. Eddie finds himself drifting closer to you, too, like a bayman to a siren’s call. “Just like this… And then I—”

You don’t have a chance to finish your sentence.

Eddie’s already kissing you before he realizes what he’s doing. Your noses knock together, the tip of his crushed against the side of yours. The sweet flavor of your strawberry chapstick evades his mouth when your lips press together.

He’s as shocked as you are.

He’s wanted to kiss many pretty girls in his life, but this was the first time he's actually ever done it.

You feel his face burn red against you when he realizes what he’s just done. He tries to pull away from you, but you keep him there with a hand on the back of his head; deepening the kiss and telling him that you want this — that you’ve always wanted this — without actually saying the words.

Refusing to separate from him, you maneuver yourself to face him more as press yourself against his side and tuck your knees beneath you. You caress the rough pad of his tongue with yours all the while, one hand balled in the shoulder of his t-shirt and the other anchoring itself to his curls.

You wait patiently for him to take action. To grip your waist. To lay you back on the couch. To climb over you and take what’s his.

He never does.

He hardly even touches you. He’s got one palm on your hip, but it’s so featherlight that it’s barely even there. His other hand is clutching the pillow on his lap with a white-knuckled grip, like he’s fighting to contain himself in some way. But you want him to let go. To lose himself with you.

The cushion had been there for most of the movie, something to keep in his absentminded hold and get crumbs all over. You wonder, now, if it’s a shield for something else.

Your lips click wetly when you part from him. A small smile forms on your mouth when you notice a string of spit threatening to connect the both of you. It breaks apart, landing cold below your mouth, and you wipe it away with the back of your hand.

“Are you hard?”’ you wonder through bated breaths, coming right and just saying it.

Eddie’s eyes go somehow wider and his mouth falls agape. “Uh… No?”

Giggling, you ask, “Is that a question?”

“Maybe.”

“So what’s the answer?” you pry.

“Honestly?” he starts with a heavy breath and heavier eyes, still trying to joke. “Whatever makes me sound super cool and mysterious and sexy.”

“I’ve always thought you were all those things,” you confess with a soft laugh, twisting a strand of his hair with the tip of your finger.

“…Really?” he can’t help but wonder. Those words are about the most shocking thing that’s happened so far this evening.

“Yeah,” you nod, then tease: “Because you've never lied to me.”

So tell me the truth, he can hear the words jumbling around in your head. So does. He swallows thickly and then admits, voice cracking halfway through his confession, “I’m so hard that it fucking hurts, sweetheart.”

You’re smiling like the Chesire Cat at that, big and sly and mischievous. You have all the power and you know it.

“Can I make you feel better?” you whisper to him, lilting like you're taunting him. You mean it, though, and he knows that because you’re already tugging at the pillow in his lap. You don’t fight to snatch it away completely. You leave just enough room to allow him to say no. But his grip on the thing relaxes and allows you to slide the cushion slowly from his crotch.

He can’t say the words because his tongue is suddenly heavy in his mouth and his throat is closing on him. So he just nods, peering at you with eyes hooded with ecstasy.

You go back to kissing him, then, unhurriedly this time. You allow yourself to feel all of him, to hold his face in your hands and explore all the bits of him you never got the chance to before now. You do it more so in an effort to get him to relax, to forget to be nervous, but it only half-works.

He gets more comfortable with himself with time. The hand on your waist finds a more confident purchase there and the other climbs up to your face, cradling your jaw while his ringed fingers get lost in the strands of your hair. Then he starts to kiss you back harder, more earnestly than before, like he’s trying to prove something. Trying to tell you everything like this than with words he can’t seem to say out loud.

He forgets to be nervous again when your lips fit together like pieces of a puzzle — the kind with the funky edges, the kind you know goes together because there’s only two in the whole bunch like it. He stops worrying if he’s doing it right.

His breath is warm and heavy as it fans against your cupid’s bow. He’d rather take in small pieces of oxygen like this than stop kissing you now. You feel the same way as you straddle his thigh, careful not to move with too much haste that it knocks your lips apart.

Eddie’s legs part for you on instinct. When you settle more comfortably against him, he can feel the warmth radiating between your thighs through the thick fabric of his jeans. He wishes he was naked right now, more so that you were, so he can feel all of you, bare against his skin.

But he takes what he can get for now. And tries not to burst completely at the thought that the only thing separating you from him was the thin layer of your cotton underwear.

It’s hard not to think about your own pleasure like this. You could so easily move your hips against his thigh, let the rugged fabric of his jeans and your panties do all the work against your clit and bring you to a swift release. You want to. You’re sure Eddie would want you to if you asked him. But it strangely seems less important now.

Because you know you’re minutes away from making Eddie come so hard his legs shake. And you always wanted to know what he looked like when he came.

Your hand worms out of his hair and down his neck. Your fingernails trail lightly over his skin, leaving visible chill bumps in their wake. Your palm falls down his chest and stomach, smooth like drops of summer rain. The print of his Def Leppard tee is rough and cracked with age. You wonder how long he’s had it, how often he’s worn it, as your hand settles again. This time on his belt.

For a split second, he’s anxious about you seeing his dick. What if you think it’s too small? He thinks to himself. What if you think it’s too ugly? But then he realizes you’re not even trying to take off his jeans. You just rest your palm over the rough material of the denim and grip him through it.

A groan crawls up his throat and out of his mouth. His head falls backward and lands against the back of the couch.

He’s bigger than you thought, and warm against the tender skin of your hand, even through his boxers and his pants. It’d be ever warmer if you were feeling the real thing, you discern, but you figure you’ll save that for another time. Because even though it’s not the real thing and there are so many layers separating your fingers from his cock, Eddie’s letting out small and breathy moans that tell you that you’re touching him just right. The more you squeeze, the louder he gets.

“Is this okay?” you whisper to him.

“Are you kidding?” he retorts with a breathless laugh. “I feel like I’m in heaven right now.”

“Just wait until you come,” you giggle. It makes him moan again. His eyes fall shut because he knows he’s moments away from feeling what it’s like — not to come, obviously, but for it to be from your hand and not his. 

You massage him through his jeans, feeling him grow somehow harder with each caress of your fingers. Peering down at him, you can see his jaw clenching, the way it moves his temples, and the muscles in his neck straining as he climbs the peak of pleasure.

“If you think this feels good now, just wait until you're inside me,” you purr to him.

“Oh, fuck,” he drawls shakily at your words. He doesn’t know if you’re being serious or not. He wants so much to believe that it’s a promise, though. The idea that he could unbuckle his belt right now, free his cock from its restraints and slip your panties to the side and take you, just like this, with you on top of him and riding him for all he’s worth, that nearly does him in.

But he’s fighting to keep it at bay. To let this moment last as long as he can. Because it’s entirely likely that he’ll come and you’ll never want to do this again. It’s even more likely that he’ll wake up from this way too vivid fantasy he’s concocted in his brain. How good can dreams get until they’re nightmares again?

The hand on your hip darts to wrap around your wrist.

“What’s wrong?” you ask him, gaze sober and sincere.

Eddie breathes out a tremble sigh of relief when you slow your motions against him. “I just…” he breathes heavily. And swallows. “I really don’t want to come in my jeans.”

You’re smiling again at that, pleased at how good you're making him feel. Like the pleasure is foreign to him. He can feel your grin as you lean down to kiss him. It’s a chaste peck, like you're just sprinkling yourself there so it can linger the rest of the night. 

Your kiss is far more fervent against his neck, wetter and more passionate. His skin has a faint taste of salt, like he’d been sweating. And he was, for the entire day that he anticipated your arrival, though there was never an ounce of him expecting this. You bite at the strained tendon and marvel as he shudders beneath you.

“It’s okay,” you leave your promise against his skin. “I’ll wash them for you after. Like a good little housewife—”

It was a joke and he knows it because you’re laughing at the absurdity of your words, at the reality of them. You’re probably the only person in the world giving your drug dealer a handjob for free weed and then offering to wash his damp bottoms when he comes in them — calling yourself his fucking housewife. But, for a reason he can’t explain, that’s what gets him.

Not marrying you, perhaps, but the idea that he could have this feeling forever. That you could bring him to complete and utter, blinding bliss and then take care of him while he comes back to earth. 

You give him an especially tough squeeze that sends a moan spilling roughly from his throat. His hips jerk up to their own according, his thigh jamming into your clothed pussy — he swears he hears you moan — and his toes curl in his boots.

He doesn’t let go of your hand as he comes. He grasps your wrist and presses you further against him. His grip is almost too tight but you don’t mind it, not when you can feel the denim growing damp with the evidence of his orgasm.

Eddie doesn’t feel anything for a while after that. It’s just pure pleasure for several long moments. The fuzziness of his climax, your hand pressed against him, your warmth still pressed against his thigh.

But then the high fades away like a rolling summer cloud and he starts to feel the wet patch forming in his clothes. The fabric of his thin boxer starts to stick to him and he almost feels gross, like he’s a teenager again who can’t so much as look at a woman with needing to come.

But then he sees the way you look at him, grinning like a cat who got the cream — because, in some ways, you are. You look like you're proud of him. Like you’re secretly wondering how many times you can do that before it’s too much. He wants to find out too.

You plant another kiss to his lips. Just because you can.

“Take your pants off, Munson,” you mumble against his mouth, kissing him one more time for good measure before pulling away again.

“Oh— shit— wait, really?” he sputters. “I thought you were joking about— about me being… I— I don’t know if I have any condoms.”

He totally does, in an unopened box under his bed, collecting dust. 

You don’t need to know that, though.

“I meant for washing them so you can change,” you laugh at his embarrassment. The sound somehow makes him feel better even though you’re slightly making fun of him. You shrug and arch a brow at him, lilting, “But… I’m down if you are.”

have any more virgin!eddie thoughts? or just thoughts about my writing/requests in general? leave them here if you want! ꒰◍ᐡᐤᐡ◍꒱

[anzulvr]

May I request how would Karma react when Asano is interested in Karma's s/o? Like here's the story, Asano and reader have been classmates and really good friends but the reader had to be transfered to E-class cause she beat someone up while trying to protect the other student and things like that, and Asano still being interested in reader even if they started dating Karma. Now how would Karma react when he finds it out??

Karma x Reader where Asano has a one sided crush!

(the first part is more explaining the backstory and then the second half of ur main request!!)

Omg I’m gonna cry I wrote this once and it didn’t save😭😭

TYSM for requesting!! I can’t tell you how fun this was this is like my favorite request I’ve ever gotten

First half ♡ the basis of your friendship with Asano!

Your thoughts on Kunugigaokas academic hierarchy had always aligned with Karmas rather than Asano’s, people were so much more than grades and the popularity came with it.

Asano saw you both in two different lights even if you clashed in opinions with him. You were too kind for your own good and were just seeing the best in people while Karma was, simply put, immature and impulsive in his eyes.

Even if you agreed with Karma on this one you were nothing alike, you couldn’t be.

Whenever you’d hear The Big 5 talk badly of any lower class student you’d tell them to quit it, the rest of the group would call you a buzz kill and reply with something along the lines of “People like them don’t deserve respect”.

(The big 5 is Asano and his main friend group and at the time yours too. They’re more like minions or henchmen to him but ya know)

This was the one type of occasion Asano would tell them to shut it.

“[Name] is right, don’t be so immature Seo, even if Eclass does deserve it.”

“Oh cmon you can’t seriously be taking [Name]’s side right no-“

“Didnt i tell you to shut up.”

“… ”

His favoritism towards you was very obvious (not that he was trying to be).

There were rumors going around saying you were dating and whatnot. His fan club was filled to the brim of pissed off girls who would kill to be in your place.

You’d been classmates with Karma before either of you were bumped down to end class but you were nothing more than desk mates, since he’d always ditch class early and never really talked to anyone other than Nagisa at the time.

Asano had advised you more than once to stay away from Karma, he’d tell you what were practically horror stories about Karmas insane fights and slightly (?) Criminal record.

Safe to say it kinda worked, you were intimidated.

“Really? ? He’s the reason Ren had a black eye last week??”

“Yeah, I’ve told you before- Akabane is more than insane.”

When you learned about further accounts from people other than Asano you’d realized Karma had only been standing up for people who’d been bullied. Your perspective on it all shifted. You had gained respect and admiration for Karma. What he was doing was kind in its own way and pretty chivalrous of him.

Even though you and Asano didn’t agree on much your friendship wasn’t something either of you we’re willing to throw away you’d been inseparable for years now, there wasn’t anything that could come between you, or so you thought.

When you got transferred to End Class for defending Hinano from an A class bully, Asano was surprised- he didn’t realize you’d be willing to take a hit to your record for something like this.

(I should add his fan club was over the moon when you got suspended they threw a little celebratory get together.)

Asano still texted you once in a while. It wasn’t the same as hanging out all the time like you used to.

Asano was having a dilemma, he liked hanging out with you but he told himself he couldn’t. He had an image to uphold for everyone in the main campus (and for himself in a way).

His text’s would be things like:

“Do good on the upcoming exams and they’ll want you right back in the main building. Goodluck!”

“Remember to study for next week [name]! unless you’d rather stay in end class.”

♡

— second half:

When Karma first met you he thought you were dating Asano and so did the rest of E class. You had to make it clear Asano and you are nothing more than friends, if you could even call him a friend anymore.

When they find out the reason you got suspended was the same as Karmas they opened up, It was hard having the entire school and faculty against them so it was nice seeing you give up on your main campus status like that in order to help someone else.

This was what first got Karma interested in getting to know you, you weren’t the type to get into fights yet you still did for someone else’s sake. You had maintained a perfect record all throughout school up until now.

Once you start dating, you literally mean the world to him because he feels like you’re the only person he can be completely open with.

WHEN ASANO FINDS OUT YOURE DATING he’s appalled.

Asano: Okay I just heard the craziest rumor you’re dating the Eclass psycho?? Text back asap

[name] : it’s true wdym

Asano: ??? Is he threatening you???

[name]: No??😭

(Omg wtf did I just enter my text fic era(the answer is no))

He genuinely thinks you’re trolling until he accidentally sees you hanging out together somewhere.

when Karma finds out Asano likes you even though you’re very much taken he’s very annoyed but he very quickly turns the annoyance into smugness when realizes he has the upper hand in the situation.

Okay his rival likes you, and HES dating you?? That’s literally the biggest win. It’s Jackpot.

100% rubs it in Asanos face during argument he has with him. He does it casually so Asano doesn’t see it as annoying or stupid but more truthful and hurtful.

“Try not to fail the exams this time around, I know it’s difficult for people as cocky as you to put effort in.”

“Oh don’t worry about my scores Asano, [name]’s helping me study so I’m sure I’ll do great!”

He’s doesn’t usually initiate PDA but the second Asano is in sight Karma will be draped all over you.

He doesn’t really like you talking to Asano because he doesn’t trust Asano to not be a douche but he won’t outright tell you not to because he doesn’t want to sound controlling or needy to you.

If he sees Asano texted you he’ll reply with a selfie of himself

“We’re busy right now☺️.”

Asano is more confused than anything, why would anyone want to go out with that guy out of everyone in the world.

They’ve definitely argued about it

“They only reason [Name] is dating you is out of pity I don’t know why you flaunt it around every chance you get.”

“How would you know? Does she tell you? Oh right you guys barely talk nowadays.”

It won’t escalate to a full on fist fight unless Asano actually tries flirting with you (which I don’t know if he’d be dumb or cocky enough to do 😭)

Like the second something out of line comes out of that dudes mouth Karma is swinging.

Karma makes sure to prove to you he can one up Asano on anything.

Oh Asano got all A’s on his report card? Karma asked Korosensei to make sure the + was added next to his.

Asano can cook really well? Call Karma Gordon Ramsey because he’s now a culinary professional.

Asano made it on the cover of Kunugigaokas student paper?

Karma literally just tutored a bunch of near failing students and helped them achieve perfect scores getting him front cover on next week’s paper. (He stopped right after he secured the spot on the paper he wasn’t about to actually help people like that for FREE 😭.)

♡ ♡ (that one audio just played in my head while writing this “damn… someone took my bitch..😔”)

[widowsistersandfriends]

Giggly Quizzes

Request: hello! I’m currently in my exam finals and I’m really stressed about it. So I was wondering if you could do a fic where the reader is florence pugh’s younger sister (like age 17 aprox) and she notices that the reader is way to stressed about her final exams so she distracts reader with their studying giving them tons of tickles to relax them. Reading your fics really have been a distraction during this stressful weeks!

Note: Thank you so much for this awesome request!! I had so much fun writing this one, and I'm sorry I wasn't able to get it out earlier. I hope you did well on your finals and I hope you enjoy this fic!

Summary: Florence is your older sister and she helps you study and relax for your finals by tickling you for every question you get wrong. (ler!florence x lee!reader)

Word Count: 1641

---------------------------------------------------------

You were currently studying for finals, also known as the most stressful week of the year. You were holed up in your room once again, hunkered down over your books. The sun had started to set, so you turned on your room light and lamp to help you see better. 

Just then, you heard your sister calling you down for dinner. You hastily closed your books and went downstairs. Tonight you were having your favorite meal: chicken tenders and mashed potatoes. You eyed the food eagerly, scooping some broccoli onto your plate.

“How has studying been?” Florence asked, pouring you a glass of juice. 

“I’m really stressed if I’m being honest,” you admitted, eating a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

“I understand. Studying is hard, but you’re doing an amazing job,” Florence reassured you. 

“I just wish I could somehow be more efficient in my studying. I always feel like I’m reading the same word over and over again,” you said, taking a bite of a chicken tender.

“Maybe I could help you?” Florence offered.

“Oh I don’t know, I don’t want to stress you out too,” you said solemnly. 

“But I’ll be more stressed if you continue to stress and not let me help with the stress,” Florence said, now making you giggle from her ridiculous statement. 

“I guess you already helped by making me laugh,” you commented.

“Is that what I need to do? Make you laugh so you won’t stress as much?” Florence asked, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“You can try,” you said, challenging her.

After dinner, Florence came upstairs with you to help you study. 

“How about I quiz you on some flashcards or vocabulary or stuff like that?” Florence suggested.

“That’s a good idea. I’ll be able to see what I know and what I need to work on,” you agreed.

Florence started quizzing you on vocab and other facts for your Anatomy and Physiology finals. You found yourself getting frustrated, as the facts and definitions seemed to blur and confused you even more.

“Ughhh, I am never gonna get the hang of this,” you complained, putting your face into your hands.

Florence came over and patted your back comfortingly, knowing that you just needed to vent.

“It’s ridiculous that they make us memorize all these facts when we have access to the internet which can tell us in less than a second,” you stated with a huff, throwing your flashcards onto the table. 

“Here, why don’t we take a break and come back to this later. You need to take some time and rest those eyes. Let the material sink in,” Florence said.

“Alright,” you agreed, flopping onto your bed.

“Want a massage?” Florence asked. You nodded.

Florence began to massage your lower back and shoulders, as you tried to relax under her touch. She began to massage the muscles just next to your spine, which happened to be really tender. You jerked when she used her thumbs to massage that area.

“Oh I’m so sorry Y/N! I’ll be gentle,” Florence said. 

“Is this okay?” Florence asked after a bit.

“Hmm, you could be better,” you joked, and Florence knew you were beginning to relax into your goofy self again.

“What was that?” Florence asked, giving your sides a squeeze.

Ah! Florence nohohoho don’t do that!” You giggled out, unable to escape, as your sister was on top of you.

“Don’t do what? This?” Florence asked, as she gave your sides another squeeze, making you jump and yelp. You were glad that she couldn’t see your growing smile, as you were still face down.

“Don’t tell me you’re ticklish?” Florence asked, now poking your ribs.

“Ihihihm nohohot!” You declared, bringing your arms down to wrap over your torso.

“17 years and I just found out now?!? How dare you hide this from me!” Florence playfully scolded, as she reached under your shirt to spider over your sides.

“STAHAHAP,” you belly laughed, twisting and turning as much as you could.

“What? You said I could be better, right? What’s better than making you laugh and relax?” Florence teased, now moving her hands up to tickle your armpits. You let out a squeal, clamping your arms down and wheezing with laughter.

“You’re ticklish here too?” Florence said with a laugh, continuing her attack for a bit before giving you a break. 

“You’re so mean,” you said, turning to glare at her.

“Hey, it’s your fault for being ticklish,” Florence said with a shrug.

Before you could retort, you felt ten nails wiggling over the back of your thighs and knees.

You gasped and bucked against her, kicking around as you were once again broken down into hysterical giggles. 

“FLOREHEHENCE THIHIHIS IHIHSN’T FUHUHUNNY,” you shouted, reaching around to smack her to get her to stop. However, this left your armpits open, which Florence made sure to make you pay for.

You yelped and convulsed, shouting at her to stop. Florence obliged, laughing at your state of panic. 

“Here, I’ll give you a break and go back to massaging you,” Florence said, but instead of resuming on your back, she moved down towards your feet.

“W-what are you doing?” You asked fearfully.

“Helping you relax,” Florence said with an evil grin.

She began to lightly massage your feet, as you fought to not giggle.

“Is this relaxing?” Florence asked, as you shook your head while giggling. 

“Yohohou knohohow ihihit’s nohohohot,” you giggled, trying to kick her. 

“Actually, you just gave me a new idea,” Florence said, now going to your desk to pick up your stack of flashcards.

“I’m going to quiz you on these, and if you get it correct, I’ll put it in this pile. If you get it wrong, I’ll put it in another pile,” Florence explained, as you nodded.

“But, in addition, if you get it wrong, you will get tickled for 15 seconds,” Florence said, smirking at your wide eyes.

“That’s not fair!” You shouted.

“Do you want to ace your finals or not?” Florence said, giving you a look of warning. You huffed in annoyance, knowing that you were trapped. 

You were face up now, and Florence asked you the first question.

“What is the name of the test for your foot reflex, and what is the difference between infants and adults with this test?” 

“The Babinski reflex, and for adults the toes should curl while infants their toes fan out,” you stated confidently.

“That’s correct,” Florence said, putting it in the first pile.

You yelped, as you felt Florence run a nail down your foot. 

“Just testing to see if it works,” Florence said with a grin, as you rolled your eyes.

“What is corpus albicans?” Florence asked.

You thought for a bit, knowing it was on the tip of your tongue.

“Ugh, I just can’t think of it,” you said sadly.

“It’s the scarring that happens when the corpus luteum sheds every month. This is why women have a harder time getting pregnant when they are older. The scarring makes it harder,” Florence explained, as you nodded and made a mental note in your head. 

“You know what that means,” Florence said, wiggling her nails over your feet.

“HAHAHAHAAHA STAHAHAAHAP PLEHEHEASE,” you screamed, unable to kick as she sat on your shins. You continued to laugh and scream for the next 15 seconds until she finally stopped.

“Next question. What does ACL stand for and where is it located?” Your sister asked.

“Anterior cruciate ligament. It’s located in the knee,” you responded.

“Good job,” Florence said, patting you.

“Which muscle has more slow twitch muscle fibers, the soleus or gastrocnemius?” 

You debated for a bit, before choosing gastrocnemius.

“Get ready to get tickled,” Florence said.

“Which spot shall I pick?” Florence asked.

She eyed you for a bit before sticking her finger in your belly button, as you screamed and tried to push her away.

“Shouldn’t have gotten it wrong!” Florence teased. After she tormented your belly button, she explained the answer.

“The soleus has more slow twitch fibers because those muscles are used for endurance. For example, when you are standing for long periods of time, you are using your soleus muscle much more than the gastrocnemius. The gastrocnemius is used for when you sprint or run quickly for a short amount of time,” Florence said.

She quizzed you a bit more, finding more tickle spots on you as she went along. However, the tickling helped you remember the answers better.

“You know what? Now that you’ve mastered all of your cards, I think you deserve a reward,” Florence said.

“Really?” You said excitedly. 

“A full body wrecking,” Florence said, knowing that you had gotten some wrong on purpose just to get tickled.

“What!?! No!” You shouted, as Florence pinned your arms above your head and began scribbling over your stomach.

“FLOHOHO STAHAHAHAP,” you shouted, sucking your stomach in to avoid her hands.

She made sure to lean down and give you several raspberries to get you screaming with laughter. 

Her fingers ventured onto your sides, ribs, and armpits once again, before spidering around your neck and chin, making you snort and giggle hysterically. She then reached down to squeeze your hips and thighs, making you squeal with glee. She flipped you over once more and began to spider over your back, making you shriek and pound the bed desperately. 

“OHOHOKAHAHAY PLEHEHEASE IHIIVE HAD ENOHOUGH,” you screamed, as she finally let you up.

“That was awful,” you said breathlessly.

“Don’t lie, you loved it,” Florence said, poking you in the ribs.

“Ow!” You yelped. 

It was safe to say that you aced your anatomy and physiology finals that week thanks to the immense amount of tickling you faced from your sister. However, you held off on telling your sister because you knew your reward would be another wrecking ;)

[machiten]

thats my seat!

academic rival scaramouche x gn!reader headcanons

warnings: scaramouche(bro is a whole warning), foul language(it's scaramouche we're talking about here so), reader is mentioned to have bad eyesight, fights, angst, academic validation, bad parenting

barely proofread lmao im tired, it's 3:15 am and im starving. there will be a chapter 2 ofc i just wanted to post something goddamn my blog has been empty for so long (4 days) didn't have a way to keep track of the word count but it's kinda long. anyways hope u enjoy!!

oh god

when i say rival, i mean full on brawls on the school hallway

so let's say you've been top of your school since day one. your name has always been at the top of the score board every exam, always class representative, and well known as a smart kid ever since you steped on school premises.

you work hard to keep your grades up, your parents pay enough attention to your succesful brother and none for you

having a successful brother plants high expectations on you. i mean, he did very well, so why cant you? you both have the same blood running through your veins. your parent's praise, that is all you've ever wanted. and yet you're not even informed if there's a family outing, leaving you in your house alone

it has been like that for years

not until one day, you enter into the classroom and someone else is sitting in your chair. someone unfamiliar is sitting on your chair.

"hey, excuse me. i sit there." you pointed at what is supposed to be, your chair. "what, i dont see any names on it." Ok, what. when you finally look up to the culprit, my goodness. Fierce purple eyes that looks like it holds the entire universe, his skin as fair as a maiden, lips plum as a springs fruit, a beauty mark at the underside of his right eye, and his hair a unique color of indigo that is cut in a weird jellyfish-ish hairstyle. while yes, he looks ethereal, not gonna lie (if he had longer hair you might've mistaken him as a girl) his personality certainly does not match his elegance. an annoyed look currently adorned his face, as if you disturbed his peace.

"done checking me out? i know im hot, i get that look everyday so dont ever think you're special." and now it changed into a cocky smirk. the nerve! not only is he sitting on someone else's chair but it seems like his head is getting bigger too. "well excuse me, i havent seen your around school until today so im guessing that you're the transfer student our teacher talked about last week. but do you mind finding a new spot, i sit there." you glared at him.

"no i like it here. here's a better idea, why don't you find a new spot. im the new student here, show some courtesy."

"no- what, go away thats my seat!"

"alright everyone, settle down- oh, i see that the new student is here already," the teacher finally came in the classroom, cup of steaming hot coffee in his hand. Everyone sat down on their seats while you are still standing up waiting for this person to look for another seat. Lmao guess what, he didnt move.

"(name), c'mon sit down. i know getting a new friend is exiting but we have to greet the new student properly. now go find your seat."

"wait but sir--"

"sit down, (name)"

"yeah that's right (name), sit down" a voice beside you spoke. you looked over to the new student adorning a triumphant grin at your loss. and so you are now forced to sit at the back, barely seeing what's in front because of your poor eyesight, and wearing a vengeful spirit.

epic first meeting

the seats in the back are okay, its breezy and you now sit next to xiao (his music taste is so good) but yeah, you cant really see the board clearly so you get notes from mona at the front

at first, it was a one sided rivalry. how hated how rude and bratty he was and at that time, he didnt seem too care (like he get those everyday). but then he started fighting back and oh boy he hasn't had this much fun in years!

the way you retort back to his harsh words is so amusing to him. usually, no one would dare talk to him in a degrading manner but then you came into his life, claiming that he's sitting on your chair, and it was never the same ever again.

now, he looks forward to everyday. he rises up earlier so that he can sit at your chair first, he keeps looking at the classroom door everytime someone enters (in case it's you so that he can give that shit eating grin), he loves how your face gets messed up when he wins an argument, he loves how small your hands are compared to his when you have a brawl in the hallways, and most of all, he loves it when you give him the shit eating grin when you win something (he says he let's you win sometimes because he pitied you, but is it really?)

to him, this is fun, amusing, entertaining. but to you? you've never felt this much hate in a human being, ever.

scaramouche is smart as fuck and he demonstrated that loud and clear

he aced the math test that the teacher gave that wasn't even taught to him

in presentations, he speaks loud and clear and you can really understand the point he's making

he doesn't really like group works (you noticed) but if he was put in a group, he does most of the job flawlessly

sports? oh of course. he's really good at baseball (pitcher). he's also good at other sports but not as good as baseball

oh and pray that you don't get him as your opponent in debates, you will be grilled like a brisket

did i mention he sleeps in like 70% of his classes? it's not like the teachers can do anything about it. he excels in everything, at least let him sleep as a gift

the only times he would be awake is when he pulls on your strings

but of course, you're also good in all of these, that's why you both are rivals

you fight almost everyday for the top spot (and for your original seat) to the point where its a daily routine to everyone else to see you both pinching and arguing in the classroom

He doesn't have any close friends (ahem childeahem) and it's either bc ppl are intimidated by him or he just doesnt give a fuck about friends

maintaining grades is one thing, winning against him is another

you are very intellegent, yes, but you work very hard for your grades every night. losing sleep studying for upcoming quizes and making sure your projects are perfect. unlike him who doesnt even try

you havent seen him study once

and it makes you see yourself lower. you're both equally in par with your grades but thats when he doesn't even try. what happens when he takes everything seriously? what if he studies as hard as you do? where will you stand then?

but when you got 2nd place for the 3rd time this year, he took it too far

"what the hell?! this is the third time!" you looked at the results in the bulletin board expecting to see your name in first place. you studied hard, right? so then why,,,

"oh oops, looks like i did a little too well again this time. aw and i didn't even answer some of the questions because i felt bad for beating you the last two times." a snicker is heard behind you and sure enough, piercing indigo eyes is looking at yours in pure pity. "thanks i guess. are you happy now? that's three times in a row!" aether beside you is now having a deadpan expression, expecting the worst. 'alright here we go again'.

"oh yes very, you know what makes me even happier? your declaration that you're inferior to me. why do you even try anyways, it's clear to everyone that im better. you're just wasting your time burying your head in your books and notes when we both already know who's coming at the top. imagine not meeting your parent's expectations." he's now looking down on you, beating you up with words that you know damn well are true. but that doesn't mean you're not gonna fight back.

"what."

"oh you know, maybe if you tried harder, the cost of your education might be worth it for your parents. honestly, if i we're them id--"

before he could finish his sentence, a loud echoing smack is heard all across the hallway, making everyone's attention turn to the commotion. scaramouche head is now turned the other way, his cheeks beginning to flare from the hit as he glared at the culprit, you. "you motherfucking bitc-!" you tackled him and due to surprise, he fell back. aether is now alert, shouting your name trying to get you to your senses.

you gripped scramouche's collar, rasing his head from the floor and slamming it back down. "you're an asshole, you know that?! i try my best everyday and this is what i get?!!" he fights back, hand on your arm that's trying to get a hold of his hair and another on your neck, holding back your weight.

"you don't know what it's like!! you will never know what it's like being compared to your brother everytime they get a chance!! you dont know what it's like going home to nothing but words of disappointment when you did everything you can to get their approval!! you will never know what it's like for your efforts to go to waste!! you will never know the feeling of being kicked out of your own home and live in a run down apartment!! i work day and night, i lose sleep everyday, i barely have anything for myself to live, and now i have to deal with your ass every single day too?!!"

"(name)! calm down, hey-!"

"fuck off aether!"

every word you spat pricked scaramouche's heart and made him struggle from your assaults. this isn't fun anymore. he knew a bit of your situation, kazuha told him. but he never knew it was this bad. all he knew is about your parent's expectations. he didn't even attempt to fight back this time and just defends himself from your blows. 'shit, i took it too far.'

"you dont have to remind me of my incompetence! i already know, i know damn well i will never be enough!! you're right, why do i even try, right?! you're so fucking annoying, doing everything so effortlessly, like school is a nuisance!! can't i take a fucking break?!!" at this point, you cannot control your tears from falling into his cheeks, rolling down his porcelain skin.

"what are you--?!"

"why can't i be a genius like you?! why dont i have everything that you have?!! i did everything i can, what am i doing wrong?!" you are now saying intangible words that no one can decipher because of the mess of emotions you are feeling at that moment. you're about to deliver another blow when someone held you back.

"(name)! you're doing too much! thats enough!!" goddamn she is stronger than i thought, scaramouche deals with this everyday?? aether pulled you away from the tangled mess that you and scaramouche managed to create. you're struggling his hold but after a bit, you slumped down having no more strength to keep going, sobbing quietly. "...(name)?" aether said.

"...i am so tired of everything, why do i even keep trying. i.. i just want to make my parents proud..." sniffles could be heard from where you are being held my aether's arms. aether supported you from the groud and led you away from the scene and the prying eyes of other students. before you both can disappear completely, aether turned around and gave scaramouche a threatening glare. "i know you both bicker a lot but you took it too far. you are an asshole and you better change that attitude of yours or i will send you home even worse than your condition right now." and you both are gone.

scaramouche is still sitting on the floor, his arm supporting his weight, bruises are forming in his skin while he's craddling his cheek that is now very noticeably red and flaring from the slap you served him earlier. he doesn't know how to act, really. should he apologize? should he just walk away and like nothing happened? should he report you for physical abuse? he didn't know anything.

what he does know though is that he fucked up, big time. he knows that you'll never want to see his face ever again, he knows that nothing will be the same again, and he knows thag the feelings he has will never be reciprocated, after what he's done.

he actually just found out recently, when someone from the other class was making fun of you and he didn't like it one bit, he's the only one allowed to make fun of you, everyone back off. scaramouche can see the crowd dissipating, no longer interested since the main action is gone. he sat there on the floor the whole time, rethinking his life choices, wondering if he said things differently instead of those. would he be seeing you tomorrow? will you still argue with him about nonsensical bullshit? can he still hold your hand whenever you pinch him?

he heard footsteps and before he can look up, someone had smacked him in the head.

"what the fuck-!!"

"i want to say 'are you okay', but to be honest you kinda deserved that." a mop of ginger can bee seen hanging from someone's head.

"fuck off childe, and why did you smack me?!"

"because you deserve it. but y'know, it's nice having front row seats seeing you ruin your life because of that toungue of yours. aether's right you're an ass." he helped scaramouche from the floor, dusting his uniform from the filth. "ill take you to the infirmary." scaramouche can only nod, feeling lethargic after all that energy spent.

he hopes to see you the next day, acting like nothing ever happened.

part 2

[khwxbeeda]

Indian Dark Academia: Pune

(all of these are my experiences since moving to the city at the end of July this year)

.

The Peth areas are convoluted, haphazardly arranged and teeming with life. You walk through a lane crammed with stalls of fake jewellery, and you want to buy every pair of jhumka and bugdi you can see. You raise your phone and take a close up, deciding that you're gonna post it. (You never do. That picture feels personal, somehow, in a way you cannot explain.)

There is a plaza in Good Luck Chowk on FC road whose basement has a somewhat hidden bookshop. The books there are both fresh and second hand. You make your way to the second-hand shelves and breathe in deeply, savouring the smell of old books and yellowing paper. You want to buy all of them, but you take home the worn copy of a collection of Marathi stories. The old man at the counter gives you a bookmark and tells you to be back with a wide smile and crinkling eyes. (You go back within the week.)

You stand under the dubious protection of a patryacha chhat, cold fingers wrapped around a mud tumbler full of steaming aalyacha chaha. The rain does not look like it will stop anytime soon, but you're not worried. Your best friend is standing next to you with her own tumbler, and both of you are giggling at a story she tells you about her own college— she lives in Mumbai and is visiting for a day, just to spend time with you because she missed you. You silently hope the rain does not stop for a while yet; you're having too much fun.

The sun is high in the sky, but it hides behind rain clouds. You take a step, the soles of your sports shoes scraping over the uneven rock of the tekdi that you decided to explore on an impulse. You're alone, with only the trees and the dog that randomly decided to follow you up the hill in sight. Invisible birds chirp and sing, and you slide your phone out of your pocket to take a photo of the unbeaten path. A little part of you fears getting lost in an unknown place. The bigger, more curious part of you wants to know why the wind sounds so melodious when it slips between the leaves of the trees. You'll post the photo, you think, once you're home.

The college is quiet. It's seven in the morning, and you're already on campus, and have climbed up the walls of the main building to reach that unreachable part of the roof. Except it isn't as unreachable as you thought it to be— the walls are engraved with little messages from the students who came here before you, and you brush your fingers over the letters with a secret smirk. Someone had enough love in their heart to carve a short Urdu love poem for their partner. You search up the words on Google, but the results are inconclusive. An original piece, then. Shame, you think. That is beautiful wordplay. You take a photo, then go back to your book. Class starts at half past seven, and you want to finish at least this chapter.

The library is packed with people, but all of them are silent. It's eerie, but you've been living in libraries for as long as you can remember, and you're perfectly at home in this silence. It feels like being in a temple— there is a awed, almost devotional hush in the air, and you fear that you will breathe too loud. You slip between two darkwood shelves, and brush your fingers over the spine of an old hardbound collection of the works of Pu La Deshpande that looks like it will fall apart any second. You've read this one before, but you check it out anyway.

The exam is tomorrow, but you're sitting in the light of three diyas and feverishly flicking your eyes over the pages of your tattered copy of the Hindi translation of Chokher Bali. This is the eleventh time you're reading the book, but you're still obsessed with it for reasons unknown. Pariksha gayi bhaad mein, you think, and flip the page. The next day, you turn up at the exam hall with bags under your eyes, a completed book, and not a second of studying. You walk out with a score of 19 out of 20, and promptly fall asleep under the shade in the bamboo garden with your head on a friend's lap.

.

Tag list: @musaafir-hun-yaaron @hum-suffer @patriphagy @orgasming-caterpillar @mad-who-ra @kanha-sakhi @yehsahihai @h0bg0blin-meat

[coralpolyp]

I'm not dead!

Hey look here's a redraw of the really terrible bit of digital art I did for last year's Mar13 day as proof! Apparently I didn't even finish the first one on time! Yikes!

I'm well aware that it's been a minute or two since I last posted anything on here or on AO3 - to be more precise, it's been since Splatoon 1 died and I wrote that 8000 word depressing thing - I don't know why 8000 words always seems to be my sweet spot, but it's good to know that I have one. That being said, and with Side Order: Dark Side Mix currently MIA, I thought it'd be a good idea to to have what it is that I'm doing right now on-record in some capacity, for the one or two people who were wondering.

The next few weeks are exam season, so I don't think it's going to be smooth sailing per se, but Dark Side Mix will be completed. After running into a snag with the opening act - namely with the fact that it sucks - I started reworking the entire fic from top to bottom under a new name...and then I lost motivation to do that because perfectionism set in, and I haven't really touched it in a little while.

In the time that I've been away from it, I feel like I've become increasingly aware of how that perfectionism negatively effects me and my work - namely the fact that very little of it actually exists. I mean, sure, people seem to like the stuff that does exist, but there isn't much, and a lot of things are unfinished - usually because I placed too much value on the potential of "the idea", and spent so long labouring over the start of it that by the 10,000 word mark I had realised the flaws of the idea and lost interest in it.

I can't help thinking that's a bit lame. Every other writer has 100s and thousands of words of terrible amateur works they can go back to and laugh at, before they created the masterpieces they're known for now, and my story is that I just kinda show up every once in a while.

I think there's a real beauty to that - creating for the sake of creation, with no fucks given. Maybe this isn't the finest example, but I finally started listening to My Dad Wrote a Porno recently and...I mean... the sheer lack of fucks given is well and truly a gift that keeps on giving. Same goes for Philosophy of the World. Or SMG4 back in like 2014. Or old Eddsworld stuff. There's just a certain carefree joy (or existential dread in the case of the Shaggs) to it all that you never get anywhere else. It's like the difference between a 30 second gesture drawing and 6 hours of carefully-deliberated-over anatomy.

All that is to say - Dark Side Mix is a fundamentally flawed story. It is not high art, it never will be. I should probably just get it out there in it's entirety for the world to see in the time I have available to write, and then move on to the next "brilliant-idea"-that's-actually-just-ok. Nobody likes an "idea guy" - what good is it to spend one's entire life going around saying "I never finished this story, but it was great in my head, and the bit that you can actually read was alright too,"? Creativity should be about getting in there, making a mess, and having fun - let fanfiction be fanfiction, with that being addressed to nobody but myself, because nobody else needed to hear it.

Oh, also, another reason for my absence besides creative block and exams - I'm getting into comics! That, and practising my art fundamentals a whole bunch - I don't think my drawabox is particularly interesting to look at, so I haven't exactly been posting it. I've decided that I want to try giving an idea I had for what would've been another depressing Squid Sister 8000-worder the comic treatment, although you shouldn't expect to see that anytime soon, considering how long it's gonna take, and the fact that I would want to release something like that in no more than two parts.

[minmin-vs-physics]

Hey! I’m gonna be a physics major next year, and I was wondering if the Mac and iPad combo have worked well for you, or if there’s something else you recommend tech wise?

short answer: yes.

but, im gonna use this has an opportunity to yap about my current study set up. this goes without saying, but what worked for me may not work for you, and my set up evolved over the years as i found what was best for me.

i use an iPad for lecture notes and homework. i think its the most organized you can get them to be without straight up LaTeXing the shit out of them (and i know people who do exactly that, more power to them)

i just write faster than i type, and an ipad allows me to copy paste equations and add photos and stuff which is helpful for diagrams. i use goodnotes 5, and i will sing its praises till the end of time.

i think it pays to develop a clear style for your homework and lecture notes, bc your work will be easier to navigate. here's an example of my lecture notes and my homework.

[hehe general relativity moment]

HOWEVER, you will mostly be having paper exams as a physics student so i recommend you don't get too reliant on your iPad. i tend to do all my studying in notebooks, or loose sheets that i can refer to. practice problems are always on paper.

[stat mech studying i did last week]

i started using legal pads for this from the end of junior year bc they're so convenient! im also incentivized by the stock our dept keeps in the mail room.

i have to do a lot of calculations for research and i prefer to do them on paper or a blackboard if it's something im reasoning out. idk it's so much easier to be stupid on paper than on goodnotes. ofc my research log is kept digitally, but i keep a binder with all my old calculations (both correct, and incorrect) along with my main reference papers.

[i was flipping through this just now and realised how much bs is in it.]

LaTeX is a good skill to have which i didn't realise until too late. if you have to write any paper that's remotely scientific, LaTeX is the way to go. none of that google docs bs.

i use both vscode and Overleaf for editing. i mainly just LaTeX my finalized research calculations into one big doc. it's much easier to show my advisor. also it looks cool.

i got a monitor when my laptop screen broke sophomore spring (something inside me broke as well that semester it was so fun). and if you have the option, i would totally recommend getting one. it's useful having a second/bigger screen.

i use mine for a bunch of things: coding, reading textbooks, genshin impact, Netflix, grading.

on the topic of textbooks, i use digital bc im cheap. but i do buy secondhand physical copies that i rarely reference, but keep around bc it doesn't hurt to start your hypothetical professor office bookshelf early. i only buy the ones i actually respect, like Peskin's Intro to QFT. but the digital copies are usually much handier. i keep an extensive digital collection of books and papers i might never need.

don't be like me keep your digital library more organized!

and yeah circling back to electronics! i use a Macbook Pro rn which has served me well. i guess things are different if you need to run solidworks or other specialized software, but you can always use the lab computers, so that was never a problem. i have an apple ecosystem bc im a slut for capitalism.. i mean i was already halfway there and now im just really used to it, so i like all my devices being friends with each other. my tip is always get more RAM than you thought you needed, and double the storage. but maybe that's bc im mean to my laptop and love hoarding files.

i also keep all my previous notes and printouts so may be i have an academic hoarding problem in general.

in the end, a mix of old school and new age technology bs works best for me!

thank you for your question! i hope this helps :)

[kraro-school-life]

A little update on my life rn:

I am sick. Like stayed home and cried multiple times because my throat hurts so fucking much sick. Whoever is trying to strike me down is doing a fantastic job :) The multiple weeks before haven´t been enough? Yet I still need to get my shit together, because so much is HAPPENING and I didn´t feel like writing by hand. So here´s my (kinda) journal entry.

There is this one art competition, which my teacher signed me up for. And I haven´t been able to work on my project the whole summer and the deadline is in 1,5 weeks. This IS optional regarding my school grade, but this is like a significant competition and my teacher and me think I have, eh, at least a decent chance at getting podium? I have a fully thought out, detailed idea... but basically only 2 sketches. And now I have to decide: do I go for it and start even though it´s gonna be HELLA (extra!!) work and might not garantee podium. The thing is, I don´t know if I´ll even finish this thing. Or do I just give up. Which, now that I typed it out, sounds crazy. Why would I give up? (Because Im so tired and stressed and all this work is not good for my mental health, bud did we ever care about that? haha).

Now that we got that out the way, MORE FUCKING DECICIONS!!!1!!!1

And not like small ones, no, the art comp might give me valuable clasification, that´s hard enough to decide. Now I have to decide what subjects I want for my Abi (exit exam). Are you being fr?? I knew this was coming but isn´t next Monday a bit too soon? Bro. Anyway. The thing is - I need to decide. And for that I need to do research if the subjects matter and how much, if specific degrees require subjects... Do I look like I know what I will be dooing with my life. So that.

I need to get info about a 10 day school? project I´m a part of. At least I hope it will be a fun trip. (Not fun making up all the work tho).

I am also responsible for my grade´s yearbook, which I also need to get started on immidatly. But for that I luckily have a friend that can help me out the first 2 weeks so I don´t have to stress as much. (I volounteered, but still. Someone´s gotta do it right.)

Generally uni research and qualifications are something I HAVE to get started on. Just yesterday I was in 9th grade wth?! I hate this transitional period. So much potential for mistakes, so many choices.

And school ofc, because assigments don´t know what a break is <3:

Religion presentation

Physics research

Philosophy hw (excerpts)

Eco hw

School art project finish

History hw

gonna brb trying to make a realistic schedule with all this shit.

My god is being a functioning member of society difficult,

Hope I don´t fuck myself over,

xoxo - ♦️

[milkyluxe]

Just for tonight

My entry for day 4 of KagiHira week 2023 Prompt: needy Please be considerate with me, It's been literally over a decade since I last wrote a fanfic, but what can I say? these boys got me down BAD So this is basically Hirano being needy. Set in the winter where Kagi is a 2nd year and Hirano is about to graduate. He's stressed and anxious. Enjoy! :) Also a biiiig thanks to my bestie @cutiesaur for being my beta reader. She really helped a lot! <3

Just for tonight

Physics. Yes, he should study physics a bit more…make sure he knows all of the formula variations there could ever be. Perhaps, he should go over all the problems again? Or  maybe it was a better idea to study maths? Just a bit more wouldn’t hurt to make sure he was on top of every problem he could need to solve. Maybe he should eat. When was the last time he stood up?...How long had he been in this trance? Ugh, he should tidy up his desk. All the mess inside his head couldn’t…or shouldn’t be also present in the physical world. Taiga Hirano grunted. Goddamit, why can’t days be 36 hours, right? 

“Hirano-san”, his roommate's voice snapped him out of his clustered focus mode, “are you gonna stay up late again?”. Akira Kagiura was already laying on his bed, pretending to read a fashion magazine, but in reality he hadn’t turned the pages in over thirty minutes. He had spent the whole time staring at Hirano, not because he was oh so in love with him, but because the blonde hadn’t moved a muscle in hours; no, in days. 

College entrance exams were just around the corner. Kagi had always known how much of a dedicated student Hirano was, he admired him for it, but these past days he had the impression his senior was pushing himself way too hard. It had been a little over a week since he had started ignoring the “lights out” time and kept studying on his desk with a little desk lamp that couldn’t be good for his eyes. He went down to the dining hall just to mindlessly shove food down his throat the fastest he physically could. Kagiura was  sure he wasn’t chewing  properly. “Sorry… I really need to go back up and study”, Hirano had been  excusing himself, but did he really need to study that much?

It’s just the last spurt. That’s what Hirano thought. 

“Uh -Yes, I- …Yes, I think so”, he finally answered with his head clearly still in his notes. “Is the light too bright? Does it make it hard for you to fall asleep?"

“If I say yes, will you stop studying and go to sleep too?” Kagi asked. He  somewhat regretted the tone in which that sentence came out, more annoyed about the light and less worried about his beloved; the latter being how he truthfully felt. Hirano turned on his chair and looked at the brunette for a while, or at least what felt like a while to Kagi. Hirano had a similar gaze in his eyes as the one he had had when Kagi first met him. “No” he said plainly. 

Now Kagiura was mad. The man he loved was so smart and reasonable, yet this attitude was self-destructive. Yeah, okay, the blonde had said countless times how his priorities were and always had been his studies, but putting them even over his health? It was irritating and it seemed like he knew and just didn’t care. All that was in Hirano’s mind was being as ready as he could be for those exams. 

“You’ve been doing this the whole week. Your body can’t possibly handle this treatment  much longer. You know…Tomorrow is sunday, you can catch some sleep today and tomorrow  you can keep studying if you want-” 

“If I want?!?!” Kagi was sort of cut off by Hirano’s sudden outburst. “Do you think I’m doing this for fun? My whole future and everything I’ve been working for in these past years depend on me scoring a high enough grade on the entrance exams next week!” Hirano hissed. He was incensed, he wasn’t being himself. 

Kagi kept silent for a bit, he limited himself to  stare at Hirano with those deep brown eyes of his. Hirano seemed as  if  he was holding his breath. He had raised his voice to Kagi, his precious roommate, and that didn’t happen often. “You are  the first person to tell me that taking breaks is something healthy, that I cannot strain my body  so that  it exceeds its limits all the time, yet that’s what you’ve been doing. All these past days and nights, it’s like there’s a magnet on your desk” the younger man said firmly. “You are  better than this, Hirano. I know that you know better than to-” 

“I’m scared” Hirano’s gaze was down, his body tensed up on the chair. He had verbalised that so fast, Kagiura even doubted if he had heard him  right. “You’re scared?” asked Kagiura to make sure he had heard correctly. “Every minute I’m not studying I feel like I’m wasting time. My head gets flooded with horrible scenarios… What if I can’t answer something I thought I knew perfectly… Should I have studied more? What if I don’t make it? What am I supposed to do then?” his voice was starting to crack.

Upon hearing that faint change of tone in Hirano’s voice, Kagi jumped out from his bed as quickly as he could and kneeled in front of Hirano to meet his gaze. He looked up at him, a silent way of saying “I’m listening to you”. Inside his mind, Kagi was fighting the urge to take his beloved blonde into his arms and console him, alas Kagi knew that, in this state, the other would only retaliate. Instead, he gently placed one of his hands on Hirano’s knee to encourage him to vent some more. 

Brows furrowed, Hirano raised his hands to his forehead, then his temples. He was extremely tense and he knew it, he was only realising this now that he didn’t remember being not tense for the last few days. “I can’t stop,” he said in a tiny voice. “I’m sorry I snapped at you… It’s just that… I feel like I’m drowning”, he stated with one hand partially covering his face. He looked at Kagiura, who was still on his knees looking at him. He didn’t need to say anything, his very expressive eyes spoke for him. Hirano was always glad for how Kagiura kept him grounded without him  knowing it. He felt as if he gave him some sort of sense of purpose and direction. He was a pillar to him. Though he still hadn’t been able to name what he felt for his junior, he was certain they were all positive things, even if he had been ignoring him these past days. He recalled what Kagi said earlier, he was right, he needed to take a break. He was burnt out, exhausted, and anxious, but seeing his roommate’s face brought him some comfort. “You’re probably not even retaining anything anymore, like, your brain is lacking nutrients” Kagiura stated as if he was a hundred percent sure that’s what was happening. Hirano chuckled. “You’re so stupid”, he teased him with a faint smile on his face. He took the hand that was resting on his knee, held it and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you, Kagi. You’re absolutely right, I should stop…that is for today at least”. Kagiura smiled and squeezed his hand back. He got up, not letting go of Hirano’s hand, “I have no doubts that you’re going to make it, Hirano-san, but you really have to get some rest. You always look very beautiful to me, but those dark circles aren't flattering around your pretty blue eyes”. “Ugh” Hirano took his hand away and hid his very much blushed face. “Okay, whatever, let’s sleep then, it is past lights out time anyway” It had been a little over a year since Kagiura confessed, and they had been through so much, but Hirano still wasn’t sure how to react when the other one blurted out his thoughts and feelings like that. But as he had told him himself once: Kagi went straight for the throat with his words and, once again, he had to be thankful for it. “I’m not gonna turn off the lights until I’m completely sure you’re tucked in your bed” Kagiura said as he stood waiting for Hirano to crawl into his bed and lay on it the same way you would stare at a pet that got caught in the middle of  mischief and got  scolded for it. “Are you gonna do it yourself, then?” The blonde immediately regretted his words. With any other person, that would’ve come off as a goofy little threat-joke; but, given the current state of his relationship with Kagiura and how the sleepy brat tended to take things literally...He had positioned himself in a dangerous situation . He cleared his throat and blushed. Again. Kagiura blushed too because the amount of times he had dreamt of taking Hirano to bed was insane. 

After some awkward seconds, the youngest said “I don’t think you should set an alarm for tomorrow. You should really sleep as much as your body needs. If I wake up first, I’ll be sure to be as quiet as possible. Oh! But I’ll wake you up if breakfast time is running out, you must  eat properly too, and breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If you want, I can get you some of the snacks I eat before training if you want to feel more energised-” at this point Kagiura realised Hirano was staring at him with a joyous look on his face, the kind gaze  that made Kagi think Hirano was also in love with him. “Right, sorry, I’ll shut up” Hirano snickered, he got into his bed, bundling up under his covers. “Thank you, Kagi… I mean it” he said as he rested  his head on the pillow. Kagiura turned off the lights.

_______

Taiga Hirano envied and admired a lot of things about his roommate, one of those things being his ability to fall asleep immediately, and virtually anywhere. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Kagi had turned off the lights, but he felt as if he had been shuffling around on his bed for hours. Had  it been of any worth  that Kagiura had managed to get him off the desk relatively early if he was still awake, thrashing around thinking about the exams? Oh no, here it comes again, the feeling of wasting time. He felt irate at himself. Why couldn't he just fall asleep quickly? He wished he could just switch his body off, like an electronic device. He couldn’t help himself to keep ruminating on those thoughts of worry and inadequacy… Oh! And, on top of that, he had also made poor sweet Kagi worry about him. This wasn’t good. His chest felt tight, his thoughts were rushing on his mind and felt as if they were surrounded by thorns, he couldn’t find a position where his body didn’t feel itchy. He wasn’t foolish enough to get up and start studying now, he knew he needed to rest, but this was  useless, he needed his mind to wander somewhere else. He sat up and glanced to his left towards the direction where Kagi’s bed was. He appeared to be sleeping profoundly. 

Aah, fuck it. 

“Kagi” Hirano whispered, hoping it would be enough to wake up Mr. Sleeping Beauty. He knew from experience that it hardly would be, though, so he sat at the bed of the other boy and shook him  lightly, “Kagi” he repeated .

“..hmmh?” a very dazed and sleepy Kagiura mumbled, one eye opened. “Scoot over” Hirano said with a calmness in his voice that was proportional to the knot of nerves he felt inside. It’s not like he hadn’t slept with Kagiura before, they had fallen asleep on the floor sometimes in their study sessions,  they had also leant on each other on long bus rides if they took a trip somewhere… but actually getting in his bed was… different. Hirano felt a bit guilty. Was he taking advantage of him? He knew he wouldn’t refuse. Was he being selfish? He still remembered that time when Kagi couldn’t sleep well because he was too self-conscious of sharing a room with the person he had a crush on…that was a long time ago though, and they were way past that stage. 

Also, Kagiura himself had told him he wanted him to be needy, and this was what he wanted right now. Without fully understanding what was happening, mainly because he was pretty much with one foot in reality and consciousness and the other one on Morpheus’ realm, Kagiura  squirmed towards the side of the wall, and the next thing he knew was that he had Hirano between his arms. Now he was fully awake. “Hirano-san, what happened? Are you okay?” Kagi asked, concerned. “...It's just… I can’t sleep,” Hirano answered, the sound  partially lost as he had buried his face in Kagi’s chest.  It was his way of saying “I don’t want to talk anymore”, the blonde tugged at Kagi’s pajamas and squeezed him into a hug. Kagi understood. He shifted his body a bit more so that Hirano could lay more comfortably on him… well, at least as comfortable as those miniscule  single beds would allow them. He held his beloved senior in his arms. Hirano had his head on Kagiura’s chest-shoulder-arm. One of his arms was folded awkwardly between their bodies and the other one was around his junior, holding him tightly. He could hear Kagi’s heartbeat, which he had expected to raise up, but it didn’t. Wasn’t he disrupted by the fact that his crush had just barged into his bed? Maybe this was wrong and he shouldn’t have made his way into his junior’s bed. Doing something as intimate as sharing a bed was…risky, giving he was also still not sure he felt the same way. Then again, whatever impulse made him want to sleep with him had been right, he already felt a little bit better. The night was cold, it was winter after all, and Kagiura was very, very warm. Hirano was somewhat glad these beds were so narrow, they forced him to cling extremely close to Kagi; it was his only option. Whatever thoughts that were making him feel bad about giving Kagiura mixed signals were now redirected at himself, accusing his own actions  for quite possibly turning a  blind eye on his very own feelings for his roommate. 

He had willingly approached his roommate to lay between his arms after all, and, by god, it was everything he had hoped it would be and more. After a short while, he felt Kagi’s fingers caress his hair lightly, softly, cautiously. Hirano got angry at the thought that maybe Kagi was taking this as the pointless ten second thing they used to do. He shouldn’t hesitate to touch him, for heaven’s sake! So, as a way to reassure that physical contact between them was more than okay now, Hirano snuggled more into Kagi’s chest and leaned his head into his hand as he caressed his hair,  just like when a cat wants to be petted. It was working. His head was being drained from all of the overwhelming thoughts and worries of the exams and instead, thoughts of his beloved Akira Kagiura were starting to sprout. Hirano was thinking of Kagi’s body, which was now extremely close to him, and how it barely fit in the bed, lengthwise. He was thinking about the fact that Kagi felt broader than what he looked; it was funny how the brunette was always so eager to touch him yet he was so reluctant to show off his muscles. Those muscles… Now Hirano could feel them, and it was doing things to his mind. He decided it was not the time to pay too much attention to those thoughts… not now. Kagiura’s other hand had found its way to Hirano’s back, and it was gently caressing him there too, with a small linear motion with his thumb. This felt extremely relaxing and Hirano was delighted; either he would fall asleep, which was what he much wanted and needed, or he would remain enjoying all of the sensations his roommate was making him feel, which were a bunch of fuzzy warm emotions. 

He didn’t want to think much of when he would ever get the chance to share a bed with Kagiura again, or even if he would. Perhaps going over what his feelings for Kagi actually were wasn’t the best idea now. Hirano was just grateful there was someone in his life he could depend on and lean on when he felt as if the ground wasn’t there anymore, like he was losing himself. The mere action of laying down and cuddling with Kagiura made everything else seem so inconsequential. It was just them, their bodies now very intertwined, as  Kagi had locked their legs together at some point, both of their breaths now in sync, and Kagi’s soothing heartbeat which made Hirano calm down drastically. The petting on the head stopped, and Hirano took this as a sign that his dear Kagi was definitely falling back to sleep. The older boy moved his head a bit to look at his source of bliss. Kagiura had rested his head to almost lay on top of Hirano’s, and because of the sudden movement, he got alerted and opened his eyes. Blue met brown. 

They held their gazes for a while. Kagiura appeared to be waiting for Hirano to say something, and Hirano seemed to be waiting for Kagiura to do something. 

Kagi smiled softly and asked “are you comfortable?”; his voice was low and raspy, he had bedhead and, from up this close, Hirano could see just how handsome he really, truly was. He got overwhelmed, but in a good way, because he understood the sheer amount of self-control Kagi must have been exerting right there to place his needs first. It was  like he understood everything, all at once. The raw, intense, intrinsic love Kagi felt for him, he was really feeling it now, it was like being struck by thunder. Hirano wished this sensation was eternal. If he had done it a little harder, Hirano would’ve practically headbutted Kagiura on his chest when he leant down on him again, squeezing him tight. “Very much so” Hirano answered, but again his voice was partially lost in the fabric of Kagiura’s hoodie. He felt Kagi also snug him closer, take a deep breath and then he was pretty sure he felt faint kisses on the top of his head. He  probably didn’t mind it at this time, all this cuddling was the perfect sleeping pill after all. 

___

When he opened his eyes, Hirano felt plenty confused: he saw his own bed, but he wasn’t on it. “Oh my god, did I die out of stress? Am I a spirit now?” He began to freak out, but was eventually distracted by how overly warm his back felt, and how his duvet felt heavier than usual. It felt as if it was almost wrapped around him… and it also smelt a lot like his roommate. Oh. Right.

They must have shifted during the night (as one normally does) because now Kagiura was spooning Hirano, who needed a few seconds after waking up to finish the puzzle on his mind and remember all that had happened last night. Carefully, as to not wake the other up, who, unsurprisingly, was still asleep, Hirano reached out for the alarm clock Kagi kept on the headrest of his bed, the one he had gifted him on his past birthday. It was a little past 9 a.m. Way later than the time they usually got up, but still not too late to have breakfast. Hirano sat up on the bed and woke Kagi up. After all, if they weren’t out of the room soon, Hanzawa was probably going to knock on their door out of suspicion and, for once, he would’ve been right. 

With a hand lightly shaking Kagiura’s torso, the blonde called for his junior’s name in a soft voice. When Kagiura opened his eyes, he was greeted with a view so dazzling he also thought  he had died and gone to heaven: the morning sun rays were leaking from their window, and the ones that didn’t reach him directly, were being blocked by Hirano, with his golden hair, his fair skin, his shining blue eyes, the morning sun creating a halo around his figure. His brain malfunctioned and, all he managed to say after some babbling, was “...what?” 

Hirano giggled, Kagi genuinely seemed absent-minded. “Don’t you “what” me, get up!” he said as he gave a quick spank to Kagi’s hip. Kagiura was sure he was now dead because there was no way Hirano just did that; but on the other hand, he was happy, because Hirano had a completely different look on his face: he looked rested, refreshed, lively. 

“Good morning, Hirano-san” Kagi finally managed to say, and smiled.

[mozukumi]

it's a wummer wum-derland

Phineas is going through a bout of seasonal depression. His friends are there to help him out.

1K words. Read on AO3 or under the readmore. Comments much appreciated!

Phineas doesn’t know when this winter got so bad for him.

It wasn’t a problem when he was younger. He had always preferred the summer, but he didn’t hate winter or anything. He would still make the most of every single possible day.

Last year, though, things started to change. He doesn’t remember when it started then, either, but he began to feel a lot more lethargic and depressed during that winter. He didn’t think much of it, though. He was in his first year of high school - it was only natural for him to have been a bit moody, wasn’t it?

He didn’t think it was going to happen again this winter. It started out great, after all! He began December by celebrating Hanukkah with the Garcia-Shapiro family, which he greatly enjoyed. Next were his final exams for the semester, which… yeah, those weren’t fun, but it was a necessary evil. That finally led to the roughly 14 days of winter vacation which fell between Christmas and New Year’s – each of which were the best day ever.

The change had to have happened sometime in January, then. That’s the logical explanation. But he can’t remember when it started; maybe this wasn’t the sort of thing which started, instead being a gradual decline.

He supposes it doesn’t really matter how he got here, exactly. What does matter is this: it’s a Saturday morning in February and he doesn’t want to do anything.

He can barely believe himself. The whole day is ahead of him, just waiting to be seized! Yet he’s still wasting away in his bed. And that sort of thing is fine every once-in-a-while (the do-nothing day is a yearly tradition he quite enjoys). But it’s not like he’s choosing to relax and take it slow. He desperately wants to carpe his diem.

But he just can’t do it.

He’s snapped out of his wallowing by a knock at the door. It’s Ferb, peeking his head in. An is eyebrow raised and a question is implied: what are we gonna do today?

“Sorry, Ferb, I’m - I’m not really feeling up to anything today,” he admits. And he hates himself for it, because he really should just push through this. All of his friends were available to hang out today - and with their busy high school schedules, that was getting so much rarer. He wishes he could take advantage of it.

Ferb nods, then walks over to his bedside. He tilts his head ever-so-slightly, and if Phineas is reading his body language correctly…

“You’re right, it has been a rough couple of weeks for me,” he says. “Not like anything happened, it’s just, ah…”

“You’ve got a case of the winter blues?” Ferb suggests.

“Yeah, I guess that’s right,” Phineas says. “I don’t want to keep you - say hi to the gang for me, okay?”

Ferb gives him a thumbs up, although Phineas didn’t need any confirmation from his brother. A reminder that he could count on Ferb was like a reminder that water was wet: completely unnecessary.

-

A couple of hours later, his phone began to ring. It was one of his customized ringtones – a 8-bit version of Gitchee Gitchee Goo – which meant the caller was…

“Isabella,” he says, hoping he didn’t sound too groggy. He had just woken up from his nap minutes earlier. “How are you?”

“Oh, I’m good! But I was really calling to ask about you. Are you feeling well enough to come down to the backyard for a few minutes?”

He thought about it. He was feeling a little bit better. Not enough to participate in a Big Idea, but well enough that he could come say hi and see what his friends were working on. “Yes, yes I am. I’ll get changed into my snowgear-”

“No need,” she interrupts, her tone a bit forced. “It’s… it’ll be fine! You don’t need to get out of your pajamas. Just come on down.”

“If you insist,” he says. He’s sure it’ll make sense soon. “I’ll be there soon.”

With that, he hangs up his phone and makes his way downstairs. It isn’t a long trek, but it’s just enough time to make him consider what the gang is up to. It can’t be anything open to the general public, since they told him not to bother changing. So it had to be a more personal project.

By the time he reaches that conclusion, he’s already at the front door. He steps out into the backyard, and -

It’s warm and it’s sunny.

That’s the first thing he notices. After all these months of overcast weather, the feeling of heat on his skin was almost alien. There was still snow on the ground, but it didn’t freeze his bare feet. Instead, it was just pleasantly cold. All around him, his friends begin to sing a familiar tune:

It’s a Wummer Wum-derland Unusual and grand Yeah, it’s anything but bland Because it’s Wummer (Bum bum, bum bum) Talkin’ ‘bout Wummer (Bum bum, bum bum) It’s so Wummer (Bum bum, bum bum)

Their cheer is infectious, and pretty soon Phineas is grinning from cheek to cheek. His eyes begin to water. “You guys, this is so… you’re the best friends ever, you know that?”

“Yeah, I am pretty aweso-”

“Do not ruin this moment, Buford,” Baljeet says under his breath, but Phineas can still very clearly hear him. Did he think he was being discreet…? Well, he’s not going to point that out.

“You always do all this amazing stuff for us, Phineas,” Isabella says, her voice soft. “Like, it’s pretty ridiculous how much you do. And I love- I mean, we love all that you do for us. But we want to take care of you too sometimes.”

“Since light therapy is an effective treatment for Seasonal Affective Disorder, Buford proposed that we rework a classic idea in order to cheer you up,” Baljeet says.

“Wait, Buford?

“Hey, I was at S’Winter! It was a non-speaking cameo, but I was still there!”

Phineas decides to not ask any clarifying questions - Buford said stuff like that all the time. Better to let it pass.

“Thank you,” he says, and it’s really not enough. The two words are hardly enough to express his gratitude at the gesture. But for now, it’ll have to do.

[the-brothers]

Eleven Months

Almost a year had passed since your little brother's adoptions and Luffy's fifth birthday was approaching. The boys first holiday season and respective birthdays had gone well so far, despite Sabo's accident.

The little blonde was practically fully healed now and more comfortable in public with his waves finally at a length he wanted. He still had to deal with the occasional stare or inquisitive child, but he was coping much better than he had previously.

You were studying for final exams and currently on the outs with Shanks. He was enjoying college life a little too much for your taste resulting in a dramatic argument. Though he called everyday and flooded your AIM* and email, you were holding strong in your decision not to communicate with him.

Three days a week you had tutoring sessions with Mihawk, who was in college but made his living tutoring kids of all ages. Mid terms and finals were busy for him so sometimes you wouldn't be his only pupil.

On this particular day he'd asked you to meet him at the arcade downtown. He informed you he would have another student with him that wasn't studying so he needed to be entertained while the two of you worked. Since your younger brothers arrived you were used to studying in a distracting environment so you agreed.

You hummed to yourself making your way down the block to the arcade. Mihawk was easy to spot even from the entryway. He towered over almost everyone there.

"Hey, Hawky." you called as his gilded irises listlessly shifted toward you.

"F/N," he greeted ignoring the nickname he had begrudgingly accepted from you.

A kid, maybe seven or eight years old with a head of messy green hair stood next to him focused on his failing round in Tekken. He cursed under his breath as King absolutely demolished him. Your chuckle caught his attention making him turn from the machine.

Unamused brown eyes swayed up to meet your gaze as he frowned clearly annoyed with his tragic loss.

"This is my protege, Roronoa." Mihawk crossed his arms.

"Protege? That sounds serious." you commented before giving him your name.

"I'm gonna beat him one day." the boy announced gruffly.

"Good, he needs to be taken down a few notches." you winked.

"F/N." Mihawk muttered disapprovingly.

The boy flushed and clammed up turning back to start another round.

"I didn't know you were babysitting too. I'd give you some real work and let you watch my brothers." you chuckled as the two of you took a seat at some nearby tables.

"I'm not babysitting." the raven rolled his eyes, "He's in training and also a student. I usually have him on your off days. Let's not waste anymore time."

"You're always so fun." you shook your head getting your supplies from your bag.

After an hour of mock test questions and assistance with your homework your session was over. The two of you located Mihawk's pupil at the claw machine frowning as the machine dropped the plushie he was trying to retrieve before getting to the dropbox.

You stepped up next to the kid pulling a few quarters from your pocket, "Mind if I try? I'm pretty good at these."

The little greenette grunted and stepped away from the controls allowing you to successfully pick up the little green tiger he dropped. You reached into the box it was despensed into and picked it up.

"Here ya go greenie," you handed the tiger to him and ruffled his soft hair making him grimace.

"Thanks." he muttered stepping next to Mihawk.

____________

That weekend was Luffy's birthday party. Friday after school you were home alone with your younger brothers. They were playing while you were cleaning the house. You could hear them running up and down the stairs while you scrubbed the upstairs bathroom.

Their favorite thing to do was pretend they were pirates having to protect their treasure. Pops had even gotten them a chest to hide things they deemed precious. You noticed as you were finishing up that it had gotten quiet - which usually wasn't a good thing.

"Guys?" you called taking off your rubber gloves and stepping out of the bathroom.

Little poorly stifled giggles could be heard from downstairs.

"You better no-" as you reached the end of the hallway you slipped sending you head over tail down the staircase.

Some sort of slick substance covered your clothes as you rolled. Finally you came to a stop on your back on the bottom step surrounded by your brothers looking on with wide horrified eyes. For a moment your brain couldn't register what had just happened - you should've been in pain.

"Ace!" Sabo yelped in a shaky tone you hadn't heard.

"I-I didn't mean to! I didn't..."

Your attention shifted from the older two to Luffy as he touched your right hand.

Why did his fingers feel so much warmer than yours?

"It's ok, F/N."

The room began to spin as you only caught snippets of the boys conversation.

You came to in a small bright space that smelled like plastic and cleaning supplies. Marco leaned over you with a concerned expression.

"Pineapple?" you muttered dryly noticing he was still in uniform with his stethoscope draped around his neck.

Realization washed over you finally hearing the blaring siren.

The boys had called 911.

But you didn't remember getting hurt.

"F/N, can you hear me - yoi?" your older brother shined a penlight in your eyes making sure your pupils dilated.

"Y-yeah. I fell down the stairs."

"Good, so you remember what happened?" he asked.

"I just know I fell. I'm ok." you struggled to sit up before Marco pushed you back onto the gurney.

"You are not ok," he looked down toward your arm, "you have a compound fracture and some torn ligaments. You bled quite a bit from the fracture tearing through your skin."

"What?!" you raised your voice in panic realizing now that you couldn't feel your arm at all.

"It's alright, you're gonna be fine. I'm going to place this mask on your face, take deep slow breaths - yoi." he lowered an oxygen mask over your face and you did as instructed.

When you arrived at the hospital you were taken back to the ER to be assessed.

"I gotta stay with the littles until Pops gets here," Marco closed the curtain around your bed to give you privacy.

"Ok, they can't come back here?" you'd never been in the hospital let alone by yourself.

"Minors can't be back here unless they are a patient, like you. We'll be in the waiting room, if you need me tell a nurse. They know who I am."

You pouted and nodded as he slipped through the curtains.

Just when your pain medication was wearing off your father arrived. They explained that you would require surgery complete with steel plates and a long recovery process.

"I'll be right here when ya wake up lass," your father cupped your cheek attempting to soothe your anxiety.

You nodded as they raised the bars on the sides of the bed and began wheeling you toward the OR.

**For the youngins - AIM was Aol Instant Messenger. It was a big deal in the early 2000's. I always had the angstiest away messages**

[cleziel-leora]

Following you in every step

Serval/Reader 

College au, You, march, asta and serval are friends, also the story will be a POV of yours and only yours, there are many times that it turns into 3rd person pov

Warnings: Tw: suicide, heart shattering love for each other, homophobia, and parents wanting their children to get push to their limit. Parents being parents.  If any of these topics triggers you, you can leave.

a/n : please don’t actually commit unaliving yourself, many people care for you, and I’m one of them :) 

“Yo y/n!” As I turned around to see who it was, I saw Serval running towards me, I smiled and waved to her, she reached me and said “Wanna hangout with me, along with March and Asta this weekend?” “Yeah sure I’m free this weekend” I replied to her, “yes!” she said with excitement. She was telling me everything about the hangout, the whole time me and her were smiling from every single moment of happiness, it was like eventually all of this happiness with her will be gone, but I know it wouldn’t after all we are too scared to leave each other, especially if it’s because of someone.

The weekend comes by and you were all having fun, you guys went to an arcade, cafe, go shopping for something and many more fun activities, eventually all of the fun have to end, because  you all have to go home now, You parted ways with Asta and March, You and Serval were neighbours so you really don’t need to part away from each other, You were talking to each other ay you both walk through your neighbourhood.

“That was really fun! We should hang out again, before school ends and before we get separated again!” Serval said with full of joy. I laughed for a little and replied to her “Yeah, we should, If we really have the time”, “We do have time! We’ll help each other to finish all our tasks so we can finish early!” Serval replied, we both laughed and continued to talk more until we reached our houses and bid our goodbyes for tonight.

The next weekend everyone is busy with studying and focusing, exam week and Project week is coming and none of you want to fail. This is the only thing that can save a student’s grade after all. You were all really stressed from all of this and finally after 2 weeks exam week and project week were finally over. Now student’s just gonna worry if they pass or not.  After all the exams and projects you and all of your friends decided to go out to treat yourselves. 

“Ah we can all relax now after studying our butts off” March said as she drank her Ice tea. Asta let out a little giggle and said “And I hope after studying a lot all of our hard work pays off”. The whole afternoon you guys were just having fun with each other's company. 

Four days after that Serval decided it was time. It was only you two hanging out and she already wants to admit that. “I like you, Y/n” Serval said.

It feels like my world just stops and I forgot how to breathe. After a minute I finally spoke. “You…Like me? I…I never thought you would actually like me…I…” I was blushing and my blood started rushing onto my face. “I…I like you too…”. I was stuttering as I admit that I also like her.

We both had something in common, we are into each other. “You’re really cute when you blush and stutter when you’re in love, especially when you’re in love with me” She said as you tried to your face from her.

Too bad not all good things will always stay. Your parents find out that you are dating a woman and they were not proud, they forced you into breaking up.

“Serval'' You said as you were both talking to each other, she got sad a little and said “I thought it was Vally :('' You giggled but soon it was replaced with sadness. “Vally I know this will shatter you but…I’m breaking up with you” she went silent and her voice started to tremble. “W..why…Did I d..do something wrong? Did I accidentally hurt you?, please y/n please…I don’t want to lose you…”. Before leaving her house you kiss her on the lips for the first and last time. “You didn’t do anything wrong baby…” You start to tear up “You didn’t do anything wrong…I just…You don’t need to know baby…all you need to know is that… I will always love you and I love you forever…never forget that..okay baby?”. You left her house still crying, and she was crying too, she never got to tell you some things before you left her. 

The past few days have been really shitty. The forced break up still hurts you. And what's worse is that your grades were finally here and your parents weren’t proud of it…

“Only 97!? That’s the best you can do huh!?” My mother yells at me while my father lets her yell at me. “You’re so dumb you know that!?You didn’t even try to bring it up to 99 or 100!” My mom slapped me on the face and said “You will never be good enough. You’re a useless child. Go to your room. We don’t want to see that stupid face of yours.” I ran to my room and locked it and all those words were going through my head. I cried and cried in silence, I saw a sharp cutter and thought to myself “Maybe…I should really end it…” 

The sound of the ambulance got louder and louder but Serval didn’t really hear it. She was busy drowning herself into her music to make her pain go away.

“Breaking news: A woman was found dead in her comfort of her own room, the victim was y/n, to all her family and friends hearing this, We are sorry for your lost” 

Her heart shatters as she hears the news “You could have said to me, or to asta and march…” she cries “I’m always here for you didn’t I say that?” her cries started to get loud “I wish I was there to help you…I love you…” she tries to stop crying but it only made her cry more “I love you too, forever and ever…even in my last breaths…I will never forget you…and I will never forget how I love you so much, I will only love you, just wait for me there…wait for me to go to you…so you can never feel alone there.”

Three months later there was another breaking news.

“Famous Serval Landau was found in her room dead, after committing suicide” 

Serval was buried next to you. Just like what she requested in her suicidal note.

“You’re here…You’re actually here, my baby…my dear, val”

 “I’m finally with you again my sweet dear y/n…”

Note: Hi im back after disappearing for about 2 months bcus of personal reasons, yes I know the ff is not really fluff or smut suprisingly, butttt maybe if I have the time again, maybe I'll write smut or fluff or anything (currently taking request)

[quills-and-tomes]

Study diary:

I'm so glad that my uni has a very forgiving system for retaking exams, because I couldn't make the deadline for my latest exam. I'm doing my best to not beat myself up over it, but it's still difficult.

The new "course-section" started yesterday, and this part of the course has the most reading and is the part that I have the least knowledge of beforehand so far. So I'm gonna have to buckle down and get ready.

We've got 2 more lectures this week, 1 tomorrow, 1 Thursday.

My plan for today is:

Studying:

• Make a more in-depth study-plan for this and next week

• Read the articles for tomorrow's lecture

• Look at the PowerPoint for tomorrow's lecture

• Revise my notes from yesterday's lecture

• Use the PowerPoint to prep my note-taking for tomorrow's lecture

• If I have time over:

• Glance at the articles for Thursday's lecture

• Do some more work on the old take-home exam (so that I'll have an easier time re-taking the exam later)

Other things:

• Fold & put away my clean laundry

• Call Mom

• Answer messages

• Do the dishes

• Hydrate

• Eat properly

• Exercise

• Stretch

• Meditate

• Go for a walk to get some fresh air

• Get to bed early

Since today(tomorrow) happens to be the u.s. election day, I should try to avoid being on social media or news sites too much. As a European, I'm not as immediately affected as the u.s. Americans, so it's no use for me to let that distract and affect me today, especially since I do still need to recover from the take-home exam period.

I can call mom while folding the laundry - that way she can be my body double, I'll have something to occupy my hands while on the call, and I'll save some time.

I can listen to a fun podcast while doing dishes, thereby making it easier for myself to wash the dishes and minimise my strain today.

Doing the chores I had to downprioritise over the take-home exam is also a type of self-care, but I can FEEL how my body's started to build up stress, so that R&R is integral for me to be able to keep going on in the long run. I'm gonna need to stretch and exercise, replenish my body (note to self: check if I need to store up on more ORT tablets), and actually rest.

So, today I need to balance my study workload, my chores, my R&R and a little bit of my social life.

Easy peasy.

Alright, let's get to it

[ravencincaide]

Summary of 2023 

I've seen a few blogs do it and decided, for myself, to sum up this Tumblr year. To gain a little bit of perspective on what I’ve done so far and where I might want to take this site next. Also to have a chance to look back at this post in one year and see how accurate it was and how much has changed. I encourage you to do the same!

A Writers Requiem started around 25th of August-23 after many many years of not writing anything and that was also the first post (a reblog) on the site. Since then it has developed very much into a Chuuya fanpage with a few Dazai and SKK posts here and there. In this just-over-four-month this blog has produced: 

8 request fics ( for 5 different requests) 

16 purely Chuuya x reader fics (8 SFW and 8 NSFW)

6 purely Dazai x reader fics ( 3 SFW and 3 NSFW)

6 SKK x reader fics ( 6SFW and 1 NSFW) 

Thus concluding the year with a total of : 36 fics. A lot of which I plan to re-write or tackle some of the prompts again which I wasn't 100 percent happy with. 

So that’s what’s been achieved in the past. Where are we now? 

There are still 13 Sweetober prompts left. 

There are still 20 Kinktober prompts left. 

There are still 5 requests gathering dust in my inbox (I’m so sorry!) 

Not to mention some requests for part two of certain fics. 

So easy to say I have a good half a year worth of prompts left if I intend to finish them all. The keyword being “if”. I’m looking at you, kinktober.  

So let’s talk a little bit about the future of this blog, shall we? 

First of all, A Writers Requiem is going on a two week vacation. 

As fun as this sounds, I’m only going to focus on studies and re-exams before the next term starts brutally kicking my ass. So puppy Chuuya, and horn-dog Dazai will just have to wait their turn. I will still be available through messages and inbox. Please don't hate me too much 

Secondly, this blog is going to move back a little from using others' prompts and go back to writing things or ideas that I’ve come up with myself and which bring me a little more joy to produce. At the end of the day I’m writing not for popularity or praise (even if those are a huge motivator!) but to get myself used to producing fictional works within a timely manner. Whether they are approved by the general audience is an entirely different issue. That I’ll tackle once I’m more comfortable and confident in myself as a writer.

Anyhow, the first set of prompts I’m gonna tackle is The art of Seduction for February, and the prompts for that are published on my second blog: A Writers Prompt.  Follow me there if you’d like a sneak peak of the kinds of things this blog will produce or the ideas I’m toying with. 

Another question I’ve gotten a few times is whether this blog will continue being purely BSD (Chuuya and Dazai) or if I’ll expand. For now that’s uncertain; at the very least I want to finish my Sweetober prompts the way they have been up until now before trying a new kind of blend. Fydor is definitely someone I’m considering to do a closer study on, once I’ve gotten through Dostojevsky that is… Also JJK and MHA are definitely fandoms I'm thinking of checking out.

Finally my goal for 2024 is to stick to my updates schedule on Wednesday and the weekend. Key word being goal which can change depending on how life is. 

So in short there’s a ton to do and a ton to look forward to in 2024. Hope you’ll stick with me <3 And with those words, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

[webslingingslasher]

OKAY SO HES STILL NOT PETER FROM THE BIBLE BUTTTT XJDJD

last time i updated you was at the party, I think. HE INVITED ME TO A PARTY after walking me home (a longer route) AND THE BOTTLE AND STUFF BHT DIDNT SAY A WORD TO ME. He didn’t flirt at ALL, barely even spoke to me. he said hi and that was it. literally. i was SO UPSET

but turns out i have mutual friends with two of his housemates and i was PISSED so i spent all my time talking to them and didn’t let myself be alone for even a second (bc i didn’t wanna seem boring idk i was doing the most in my tipsy petty moment) and we actually bonded over a lot. ANYWAYS.

SO you know how me and hat hoodie met bc we would study for our summer exams from opening till closing? WE FINALLY FINISHED OUR EXAMS and campus was SO FUN. literally everyone was at patties etc and guess what. still. NO FLIRTING. i was sad but accepted it bc he’s very hot and things don’t usually go my way 😭

anyways so fast forward like another week and we’re at this field on campus. im gonna send you a pic privately but it’s this HUGE field. i just googled a lacrosse field and it looks similar? like it’s HUGE. a HUGEEE piece of land that looks onto our campus (it’s so pretty) and it opens up during summer and people basically camp out 24/7 once classes end. it’s rhe BESTTT vibe durint the summer like there are 837383 speakers and there’s a diff game going on in every corner of the field. and different music from each speaker but it’s somehow never overwhelming. like one corner will be playing football and the next will be playing netball and everyone always brings ice cream and stuff and you just move around to different spots all day. there’s no “friendship” groups, like everyone just mixes. it’s so fun.

anyways i went to the rap corner bc i wanted their ice lollies (my friend said they had the strawberry ones) and I didn’t see HE WAS THERE but he was and he handed me the ice lolly and our hands touched and girlll there was a SIZZLE. but I was still mad so I acted nonchalant but he started talking and i was fed up like I don’t wanna go in circles of him flirting with me then giving me absolutely nothing for a week, and then talking to me again? but I was tipsy and the ice lolly (i just realised u guys say popsicle) (omg my adhd is really showing in this ask sorry im usually more contained) anyways the ice lolly was nice and I was buzzed so my anger fizzled and we started talking. he never gave me an excuse or a reason but I was drunk so I didn’t really care. but we like cleared the air kinda

all of my friends went home a few days later but I wanted to stay until our lease ended bc i don’t like going home and if im paying rent for the whole year (until mid august) i wanna use it yk? but all of my friends are gone and campus is kinda lonely (apart from the field) without them so his friend group/housemates kinda adopted me and I hung out with them EVERY DAY. their fifth housemate went home for the summer and I stayed in his room one night (clean sheets and his room has a lock so I felt chill) (off campus houses in the uk usually don’t have locks unless u add them in) omg j i almost died knowing he was next door.

i got up to pee at 2am & at the same time he got up to get water and I swear TIL THE DAY I DIE ill believe he just heard me get up and made up an excuse but anyway. we were talking and it was so LATE AND HE LIDNDJSKSKKSSKS I WENT TO THE KITCHEN TO SEE HIM after I peed bc he looked good (shirtless and boxers) AHDBDSNS AND WE WERE TAKKINF DOR A LITTLE BIT AND ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND HE KISSED ME

and this was only my 3rd kiss so I was kinda shy BUT AHDHDHDSBSJS I WAS DYINGGGGG but it started getting deeper and i thought he wanted it to lead to sex and I didn’t so i pulled away and he didn’t complain or really say anything ab it and apparently it took me too long to open my eyes after so he’s been making fun of me since then bc apparently I was dazed DNDNS ANYWAYS

HE WAS SMILING SO MUCH. he ended up going home to see his sister before she goes on some camp thing so there was a break and we didn’t talk during it (kinda weird I was overthinking it sm) but he came back and we’ve been kissing & I’m still hanging out with the house (who are like my main friend group at this point) and it hasn’t led to anywhere else (we haven’t had sex) (we won’t be having sex) and IDK what he wants, if it’s just a summer thing or not. i don’t think he has feelings for me and I don’t think he’s catching them but I do think he likes me as a friend bc he rlly likes my company and is always laughing but I think he mainly just likes making out with me which im not complaining but yeah. maybe it’s just fwb for him but I am CRUSHINGGGGGG hard hard

THIS WAS SO LONG IM SORRY I NEED TO TELL U THE CHERRY MOMENT NEXT

-🤍

the way i am gasped, gagged and gaping at this.

the kisses.... the SNEAKING OUT to kiss you... why is this giving secret lover..... i'm so seated.

i cannot wait for this to unfold more. AS FOR WHAT HE WANTS- idk but i'd keep feeling it out for more kissies 😚

[bots-and-cons]

So I've been having fun...

I've really not had the best week so I just wanna vent a bit. But first, a bit of an update on the state of the requests. I've got two requests left and I've already started writing the other one, so I'll get the last one done next Wednesday (23rd of August) at the latest. I'm planning on opening the requests on that same evening so maybe turn on your notifications for my blog so you don't miss it.

Requests will open on Wednesday, 23rd of August, there will be an announcement post when they open.

Venting below vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

So, I haven't been doing very well this last week. I have no idea what brought this on, but my week didn't start too well. I think my psychosis might be going into a more active episode for the first time in a long time, and it's pretty fucking scary tbh. I had a very strong, even if brief delusion on Monday evening to Tuesday about noon which was scary. I'm not gonna go into detail about it, because I don't think anyone wants to hear it and I don't particularly wanna talk about it.

On Tuesday I went with a friend to her entrance exam, because she needed some emotional support. She wouldn't have gone there at all if I hadn't gone with her, so I kinda felt like I had to go. She straight up told me she would have skipped it if she had to go alone. She got into school too, since it was like a really quick application process and the results came today. I'm happy for her, but the day reallly tired me out and in retrospect, I don't think it was a good idea for me to go.

On Wednesday my anxiety was so high I could barely function and I kept spacing out and going into a dissociative state constantly. Not fucking fun. I've barely slept since Monday, because I keep waking up because of anxiety dreams and for other unknow reasons.

Today (Thursday) was fine, I'm functioning semi-normally and the anxiety from yesterday is mostly gone. I even managed to call my school to sort some stuff out. I've signed up for the courses for this fall and now I just need to get my money situation under control.

I've got an appointment with my psych nurse tomorrow. I'm hoping she doesn't make me go to my psychiatrist because of the more frequent delusions and hallucinations. Since I'm still functioning mostly okay I doubt I'll have to, but we'll see. It might all just be caused by school starting and me stressing about it. I kinda doubt it though, because this has been going on for about a month now and I don't think I've been stressing about school for that long.